Yes, Dear Reader. We enjoy those ‘in depth’ interviews as much as anyone else. But – BUT – we also enjoy the lighter side of music, too. We simply cannot go on any longer without knowing what JAWNY has in his pockets. So we asked. And we kinda wish we hadn’t.
Who’s your favourite pop star?
If you had to be on a TV game show, which would you choose?
I legit don’t know a single TV game show off the top of my head, I’ve not had cable TV in 10 years. I want to be a professional wrestler, though. That would be sick.
How tall are you?
6’9 and growing by the day baby.
What was the last thing you broke?
I broke my cutting board two weeks ago on accident, and I still haven’t recovered from the loss.
What’s your biggest fear?
My dog running away bc I’m 6’9 and growing and I’m scared she will soon think I am a giant and run.
If you could have a superpower of your choosing, what would it be?
I want super perfect white teeth that I never have to brush, and my breath always smells beautiful.
Do you believe in aliens?
Absolutely. I got the scars on my stomach to prove it.
Have you ever seen a ghost?
I have not, and I plan to keep it that way because I believe in those too.
What have you got in your pockets right now?
Absolutely nothing I’m ass naked rn answering these and my skin is pocketless.
If we gave you $10, what would you spend it on?
50 fake Twitter followers to retweet and favourite this article, so it looks like people actually give a fuck about little ole me.
What did you last dream about?
I had a terrible dream that I don’t even want to begin to try to explain. Just know it wasn’t fun.
What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?
In middle school I was walking around the track after lunch, and somebody pulled my pants down, and everybody saw my willy, and then I panicked and pulled up my boxers, and those were embarrassing too, so I basically got double embarrassed. If only they could see me now. Still ugly and still wearing embarrassing underwear.
If you weren’t a musician, what would you be doing?
Professional badminton player. Easy. Next question.
Have you ever been banned from somewhere?
I think I might be banned from a venue in New York City for bringing like 30-40 people on stage for my last song because they specifically asked me not to.
If you could form a supergroup of your choice, who would be in it?
Me. I don’t want anybody else in my supergroup. I’m 6’8, and it would only make me look taller standing next to other people. 🙁
What is your most treasured possession?
If my house was burning down and I could only save one thing it would probably be a promo sweater I have for the first season of Seinfeld. They sent it out to all the channel stations to promote the show when it came out and I can’t part ways with it.
If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?
Food. I haven’t eaten a meal in over 11 years since it all went extinct. I’m absolutely fucking starving.
How punk are you out of ten?
Punk enough that I am answering these interview questions at quite literally the last possible minute before the deadline even though I was given them at an appropriate time yet I still somehow managed to have terrible time management / 10.
What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to try?
I want to write a TV show really bad.
What’s your breakfast of choice?
I told ya earlier I haven’t eaten food in 11 years. I would kill for some breakfast right about now. It’s a shame all food went extinct, and I’ve been surviving on slugs and twigs.
If a genie granted you three wishes, what would you ask for?
Infinite wishes. Boom. I fucking win.
What’s one thing people don’t know about you?
I unironically listen to Jonas Brothers – Burnin Up because it is a fucking jam.
Why are you like this?
Bc I am a big fucking loser, and I’m ok with it and sleep fine at night.P
Taken from the March 2021 edition of Dork, out now. Jawny’s project ‘For Abby’ is out now.