Granny knickers, Love Actually and mammoths: Phoebe Green tackles this month’s daft queries.
What did you last dream about?
I had a really awful cooking show with my sister! We’re actually good cooks, but we got too anxious and repeatedly fucked it.
What would you most like to find in your Christmas stocking?
Granny knickers. Love em.
Do you believe in aliens?
What’s the best part of a roast dinner?
Gravy, if it’s good gravy.
What do you put on the top of your Christmas tree?
A weird knitted angel, I’m not entirely sure where it came from.
If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?
What’s your favourite Christmas cracker joke?
One dad tells every year about a guy going to the doctor saying he has a mince pie up his arse and the doctor says, “I’ve got some cream for that!”
How tall are you?
What’s the greatest Christmas film of all time?
‘Love Actually’ for sure.
What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?
There are so many things running through my mind right now that I truly cannot bring myself to mention.
If we gave you £10, what would you spend it on?
One drink if I was in London, two if I was up North.
What’s the best thing you’ve ever won on a tombola?
Fuck all, I’ve never won anything!
What is your most treasured possession?
A locket my mum and dad got me that I’m too scared to wear in case I lose it.
Have you ever been Christmas carolling?
What’s your biggest fear?
Wasting my life away and never fully becoming the person I want to be.
What is the best present you’ve ever been given?
My mates all chipped in and took me to Berlin once, that was definitely up there.
Have you ever been thrown out of somewhere?
What’s your breakfast of choice?
Chocolate Weetabix with banana and a spoonful of peanut butter. Microwaved for exactly a minute. Banging.
How punk are you out of ten?
I’d say a good 6.5.
Who were you in your school’s nativity play?
The angel, multiple years in a row.
Do you own any Christmas jumpers?
Yep, light up ones.
What was the last thing you broke?
Most likely an egg…
Are you good at wrapping presents?
Horrendous, but I put a lot of effort in.
What do you always have in your refrigerator?
What’s top of your bucket list for 2021?
Go on tour!
Taken from the December 2020 / January 2021 issue of Dork. Phoebe Green’s debut EP ‘I Can’t Cry For You’ is out 3rd December.