This month, Awsten from Waterparks runs the gauntlet of our random, stupid queries.
What was the first record you ever bought?
‘Dookie’ by Green Day. I thought I was so tight too; I brought it with me to dinner with my family when I first got it because that’s punk as fuck. Then it was ‘Chronicles of Life and Death’ and ‘American Idiot’. I forget where it goes from there.
What did you last dream about?
Man, I keep a dream log, but honestly, they’ve all been bad on this tour, so I quit writing them down. They’re either apocalyptic or super mundane where I’m just doing emails and stuff, and I wake up confused as to whether or not I’ve finished some actual work I need to get done.
What’s the most impressive thing you can cook?
Listen to me right goddamn now; I make the best salmon you or anyone will ever eat. People ask me the recipe and what all I use and I never tell them because I’m gonna make a cookbook someday.
Have you ever had an imaginary friend?
Absolutely! I’m still not fully convinced Otto is actually a physical being; no real person should have those abs without working out.
What was the last thing you broke?
World record for the owner of the most Tooth Bats. I just got four more yesterday in San Francisco. I’m gonna get a gun rack to display them all at my apartment.
How tall are you?
6’11”. I can’t shop at the mall.
What is your most treasured possession?
Probably my phone. If I lost it, I’d lose so many ideas. All lyrics, vocal melodies, etc. go in there first and then I pick through them later for actual usage.
If you won the lottery, what would you spend the cash on?
I’d buy my parents a new car first. My dad loves his but it’s way too small, I worry about some dumbdick hitting him on the way to work.
What is your earliest memory?
I think I died in a bathroom in my last life bc I have a completely unprovoked fear of getting killed in one.
Have you ever sold your own CD or merch on eBay?
Ugh, go read the answer to question 20.
What’s your biggest fear?
Carrot Top is pretty up there, like starting when he got ripped. Snakes, especially bigger ones. I hate when closet doors are open just like an inch or two but they’re dark, and you can’t see in there, fuck that. Also possession.
Which defunct band would you most like to reform?
Head Automatica. Creeper. One Direction. FELONY STEVE.
What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?
Okay, I don’t get embarrassed by much at all, and I’m usually fine in awkward situations. BUT. BUT. There was this time I was out to dinner with my parents (I gotta ease up on mentioning my parents, jeez) and this drunk lady thought I was some guy from American Idol and was legitimately losing her mind and asked for a picture and then all her drunk friends started freaking out and the manager lady came out and wanted a picture because a famous person was in her restaurant and I kept trying to explain to them that I’m not that guy and they thought I was just trying to be modest and be lowkey. So at this point, everyone in the restaurant was looking, and my goblin shit little sister was just fucking laaaaaughing, and I was trying to tell everyone I’m not that guy and FINALLY, some girl goes, “wait that’s not even HIM, I google imaged him, that’s not even HIM.” And everyone seemed so disappointed and even a little mad like I deceived them and I was like “I WAS TELLING YOU THAT OMG”, and it could’ve been done there but then my mom was like “BUT HE IS A SINGER THOUGH” and I was like “MOM PLEASE NO SHHH PLEASE DON’T” and she started showing everyone pictures of me on her phone from shows, and they were like “oo cool!” And I legit wanted to die holy fuck my skin is crawling hahahahaha. That was the worst.
Have you ever seen a ghost?
I definitely have. Before we were touring full time, I spent most of my free time (outside of school and promoting) ghost hunting and going to haunted places. I miss doing all that, but things are actually going well now so I kinda wanna keep potential bad energy away from me.
What have you got in your pockets right now?
My wallet. Also a contract I tricked our photographer into signing that says he can’t eat pickles. So, everyone that tours with us has to sign some code of conduct thing or whatever, I think management is in charge of that, but on his, I made one of his rules that he can’t consume pickles/pickle products. I also said “herein” four times so it’d sound extra-legal. Fuck pickles.
What’s your fave TV show?
The Office is number one, fuck all the edgy local twitter accounts that wanna act like it’s not good just because basic people like it too. My current fave is Atlanta. Extremely close runner ups include 30 Rock, It’s Always Sunny, Prison Break fucks me up, I watched a lot of Walking Dead for a minute, I think I got to like season 4 or 5.
Have you ever written a fan letter?
Yup. Before we were signed, I wrote notes to literally everyone who ever ordered anything from us on our online store. So I’ve probably written at least 2000 notes to fans. Occasionally I see OG fans post them up on Twitter and I’m like ayyyyy.
What was the naughtiest thing you did at school?
Only perverts and Mary Poppins call things naughty, who are you.
Tell us a secret about yourself?
Absolutely not, that’s Premium Content; you need the Gold Subscription. It comes with knee pics too. $7 a month.
Have you ever been banned from somewhere?
I’m banned from eBay.
How punk are you out of ten?
Ten. I’m New Punk though. I like to shower; I’m not broke anymore, I go to bed by 11pm, I keep my place super clean and organised. We’re out here making good decisions and forming good habits now because we deserve it.
Why are you like this?
Incredible? Tall? Handsome? Powerful? Kind? Humble? Tall? Genetics, maybe. Or perhaps something more sinister to outside parties. Follow me on Twitter.
Taken from the May issue of Dork. Waterparks play this year’s Slam Dunk, which takes place in Leeds (25th May) and Hatfield (26th).
