Anthropophobia

I can't find any words, why? They run away from me Choking a barely heard "Why can't I breathe?" Piercing with gazes "please don't look" I cry How many times I need to hear rejections and goodbyes I'll hide away, a hide and seek Still recycling A heart kept under lock and key Another wall too tall for me I'll never reach your goals, too high Back to starting line Please, leave me be Listen to me just this time I'm scared I know But I worry what they'll think of me as tears will flow See me trembling a tragedy I see! Maybe I'm not like the others surrounding me I finally see Run away I'll flee from all the kindness Burn it in the flames I'll cast it all away in pain But why? Did it all have to end up still destroyed by time I wanna cry "Slip and fall, all I do is make mistakes" "People laugh but I deserve the laughing and the hate" And again in fear waiting for the sun to rise If it didn't though I guess I really wouldn't mind Always uncertain and looking out for enemies Believing deeply that someone didn't like me A demon whispering and laughing deep inside my head "How does it feel to know they rather you dead" Fear and loathing It'll loop into a lone breath Hurting terribly Annoying kind of nonsense? Smug snobbery Emotionally thoughtless Always gonna be the same and sigh "It's complex" Is it this at all? Maybe even that? Doesn't matter in the end We'll lie once again But tell me Who can we blame? We're really all the same Forget me please You may as well if I continue breaking things I'll break until I'm pieces that can fade Why couldn't I just get that very normal right To live my life? My hands that reach I let go of them far too many times I think I kept them every single one Aah Why do all these hemorrhage out of me Every time? Tell me why "Since the beginning, I had just one option to take" "But I never found the answer, a way to be saved" All the obligations crushing me a cruel fate Yeah, I wish I'd never been born in the first place The pain inside The agony and misery I can't deny Is keeping me from ever moving on So I again in my deep anxiety Scream and scream A fake, a lie I'm always watching painfully A fatal cry I'm begging that my feet will move Aah But now you see I don't really want to end my life today Don't wanna die today "This life is all about finding the right things" "Every sign is saying listen to your heart that sings" Break of dawn again, I whisper something unafraid Then I realize "I wanna see another day"