You'll Only End up Joining Them

Tonight I'm posed and popping like a peacock I'm pressing flesh, I'm smiling big, my spinning head sings "Stop, just stop" Cause what used to calm me down Just rips my life to ribbons now So I keep smiling, I find my window and quick cut out These days my hangman's hunger makes my gut kick My sleeping mind, could map it blind A flask, a key, a bag, a fifth I try to will myself away While shouting habits plead their case So when the sun sears through my eyes My beggar's brain can't compromise I splash cold water, I draw the curtains, I stay inside And I can't say that it's a sickness, more like a stranger I ask in And later realize, was a strangler Slipping nooses in my den But I was lonely so I asked him, "Would you tie that one on me?" It wasn't his fault, I was eager, and I was weak So as I inch towards resolution Yea I'm not sure which life feels right A narrow noose or the wading water The hanging head, sore open eyes I know my brother he went one way And at the fork I heard him say "Don't you follow, don't go making my mistakes" And I realized what he meant Don't kill yourself to raise the dead It never works you'll only end up joining them