Here are five facts about the top secret new issue of Dork that won’t in any way help you work out what’s going on

Seriously. You're just going to have to wait.

Tomorrow evening, we’re going to tell you all what’s going on with the new issue of Dork.

Right now, we can’t really let anything major slip. It’s a big secret. Even if you were to guess it, we’d have to keep our lips sealed. Some things are too dangerous.

But, Dear Reader, we like to play close to the fire. We’re going to tell you some random stuff that will in no way help you work out our nefarious plan.

1 – The first line of the cover feature reads: “[Name redacted] wants/want to be the biggest act/band in the world, but you probably already knew that.” (Yes, we’ve added bits so you can’t work out if it’s a band or solo artist – Ed.)

    2 – The cover feature is 8 pages long. We’re pretty sure you could get at least two, maybe three quality posters out of it, if you didn’t mind cutting up a magazine. And you’ll definitely want them on your wall.

    3 – Sample quote: “We write pop music, I’m sorry if that offends anyone.”

    4 – There’s a very good reason that this artist/band is/are on the cover.

    5 – We’ll be revealing everything at – or very shortly after – 7:30pm, tomorrow, Tuesday 24th July.

    Also, it’s not the 1975. Seriously. We’re not joking. It’s not. Stop thinking it’s the 1975.

    We can tell you some other stuff that’s in the new issue of Dork, though. There’s Maggie Rogers. There’s Death Cab For Cutie. There’s Matt Maltese, Ten Tonnes and No Rome. There’s mushrooming with Kate Nash (no, really – Ed). There’s Charli XCX and Ben Khan. There’s Let’s Eat Grandma, Superorganism and our official top 50 Bangers of the Year so far. There’s more bands than you can shake a spangly stick at.

    And that big secret.

    If you pre-order a copy below, it’ll go out in our very first post run for the new issue tomorrow afternoon, when even gossipy Postman Pat can’t foil us. Go on. You like to take risks. You wouldn’t want to miss out, would you?

    We’ll be seeing you tomorrow.

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