Martin

I just want to tell you about Martin
Cause nobody I know has got a brother like him
As kids we could never be parted
The neighbours all knew us as the terrible twins
At school some kids were always looking for a fight
But Martin never wanted a fuss
Bigmouth Brown thought he'd push him around
Being three years older than us
So I smashed him in the mush with the cloakroom stool
I got six of the best and suspended from school

But it was worth it with a brother like Martin
It was worth it with a brother like him

We used to nick motors for a joyride
'Til we rammed a Black Maria in this XJ6
To give Martin time to get clear
I tried to punch a few policemen before I got nicked
I got Borstal for taking and driving away
And beating up the boys in blue
But Martin never missed a single visiting day
He hitched from Clapham to Crewe
With all me racing mags and the little bits of news
Smuggling in ciggies and a little bit of booze

No-one ever had a brother like Martin
No-one ever had a brother like him

People get the wrong impression with Martin
I know he doesn't mix much but he's no snob
The weekend I got out of remand home
He'd got Uncle Ruby to find me this job
And back at my Nan's he'd repainted my room
And bought me a brand new carpet
There was all me old records and books on a shelf
And a secondhand telly from the market
You can get a bit hard when you've been inside
But I hugged the old bastard and I almost cried

Cos no-one ever had a brother like Martin
No-one ever had a brother like him