If These Dogs Could Talk

There's a three-legged beagle Who lays there spread eagle On the driveway outside Patti's trailer He looks like he's sleepin' But he knows she's dealin' And that she's been bonin' the neighbor There's a mean little poodle we call Cranky Doodle Ridin' high in Lynnette's Vera Bradley He'll take to the grave that her husband is gay 'Cause Doodle likes chewin' his panties If these dogs could talk They'd sure tell on you We're all lucky barkin' is all they can do They dig up your secrets They know all your trash The tales they could tell The tongues they could wag God knows what they'd say Might ruin your day If these dogs could talk There's a brown mutt named Patience She's always waitin' For scraps outside of the diner When Leroy is servin', one thing's for certain A hamburger steak always finds her He may be a meth head who smokes up his paycheck But everyone needs a best friend She may be blind, but she sees him just fine And don't care what they say about him If these dogs could talk They'd sure tell on you We're all lucky barkin' is all they can do They dig up your secrets They know all your trash The tales they could tell The tongues they could wag God knows what they'd say Might ruin your day If these dogs could talk They could sniff out the cheaters, point out the liars Shit on their lawns and piss on their tires They can smell kindness So maybe be kinder And don't even think about kickin' one They dig up your secrets They know all your trash The tales they could tell The tongues they could wag God knows what they'd say Might ruin your day If these dogs could talk God knows what they'd say Might make someone's day If these dogs could talk