New York Doesn't Like Your Face

[HELEN, spoken] You know, it does do something, that's impressive [MAYOR, spoken] You're kidding, wow [ASHLEY, spoken] Yep, and we're just getting started [ASHLEY] (BITSY) Convincing this city to like this old biddy Is the hard job I'm here to do Now, as we've established You smile like a catfish And your resting face looks like You're taking a poo The Strangler outpolled you In case no one told you That's what's called losing the race So before the hard-hitting The first step's admitting New York doesn't like your face First up, Bitsy Brandenham Twitter, TikTok, Instagram The Big Apple thinks you're the pits (I don't need to) Bitsy, listen to this They think you're shysty (I'm flirty and feisty) That's just the Long Island iced tea (With Bloody Mary mix) It's not okay What the bloody mayor is trying to say Is New York doesn't like your face They spit you out because they've got New Yorkers' taste They look at you and smell a rat And they had enough of those No one can stand you We've got to rebrand you New haircut, heritage, pronouns, clothes Aesthetically, it's looking bleak Haute couture should make you pop Sit front row at Fashion Week Then tweak the pictures with Photoshop All we need is one good public stunt With just the perfect words That will lead New Yorkers to accept the little polished turd New York doesn't like your face We've got to give them something better to embrace Devise a plan to make them stand you That's what it's all about Bitsy, it's the only way to cultivate the clout Haven't you ever wondered, dear Why your staff all carry cans of Mace? New York doesn't like your face