[Intro: Eminem, Scram Jones & Dove]
I'm a criminal, criminal
Cr-criminal, cri-cri-cri-criminal
You're goddamn right (Scram Jones)
I'm a criminal, criminal
Criminal, criminal (Hold up, wait a minute)
[Verse 1: Eminem]
"Please, Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital"
Preacher, preacher, fifth grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither (Nope)
You can't teach me a goddamn thing 'cause
I watch TV and Comcast cable
And you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from toppin' thesе charts
And you can't stop me from droppin' each March
With a brand new CD for thеse fuckin' retards
And to think, it's just little ol' me
Mr. Don't-Give-a-Fuck still won't leave
[Chorus: Eminem]
(Criminal) 'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime
To tell 'em what's on my mind, I guess I'm a
(Criminal) I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird
And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one, I'm a
(Criminal) 'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime
To tell 'em what's on my mind, I guess I'm a
(Criminal) I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird
And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one
[Verse 2: Eminem]
The mother did drugs, hard liquor, cigarettes, and speed
The baby came out, disfigured ligaments, indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby 'cause that baby was me
I'm a criminal, an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the fuck you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
I drank more liquor to fuck you up quicker
Than you'd wanna fuck me up for sayin' the word
My morals went— when the president got oral
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk off of his own employee
Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
You can't miss me, I'm white, blond hair, and my nose is pointy
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
In plane crashes and laughs as long as it ain't happenin' to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Eminem and Kim combined (The maniac's in)
In place of the Doctor 'cause Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin' his place
Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you, Dre, you should've kept that thang put away
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh? (Haha)
Criminal
[Outro: Mel-Man & Eminem]
Alright, look (Uh-huh)
Just go up in that motherfucker
Get the motherfuckin' money and get the fuck up outta there (Alright)
I'll be right here waitin' on you (Alright)
Yo, Em (What?)
Don't kill nobody this time (Alright)
