Yes I'm Serious

My greatest fear is mediocrity I wanna be the shit Colostomy That bitch Ferocity That drip Viscosity Nobody's fucking property Kiss my pale white butt my philosophy Bobby fischer prodigy i'm homer on an odyssey Statistically unlikely, still i might be the anomaly Smiling but i'm sad, the dichotomy If you got some stupid shit to say then don't talk to me Experts abound but they're all selling doo doo Bamboozled on youtube that man's not a guru The paycheck on friday you already blew through To finance some diamonds and scoop up a miu miu Like new shoes a voodoo Might undo the cuckoo Your vid gets a few views Could patch up the boo boos Of childhood rejection and after school boo hoos Capitalism religion the virtue Spandex and amex and xanax my worldview 4am benihana that's my curfew Jumbo prawns perignon oxymorons Isn't it funny that pleasure can hurt you? People tell me i'm resilient But lord knows i would love to show my feelings I would love to explode onto the ceiling Jackson pollock paint peeling I would love to fuck off say i'm dealing with some shit Like i don't get that everybody's dealing with some shit Like my struggle is unique, neat White girl dead alcoholic dad scared to repeat The cycle of vodka nauseous the awful process Of top of the class to no options jobless Of scrambling thoughts til your head's an omelet Of following thomas submit to chaos With the privilege of middle class fear Plus internalized hate cause i'm queer Plus i really wanna have that beer I guess the enemy's the face in the mirror But there's a tiny little spark in my heart I blow on it to to see if there's a fire to start The highest power's the nth degree That is both infinite and imaginary So don't worry about god She's smoking cocaine at a bus stop She's putting rogaine on a bald spot She's feeling no shame in a crop top She's loves gandhi and pol pot She condones zoloft She giveth more when you scream no más She told me once in the back of a tour bus The highest highs might really be the low spots I'm sitting on a toilet in germany I'm brimming with shit and uncertainty I'm skimming a novel i purchased in france but i don't parlez-vous So it's not making sense Aujourd'hui, maman est morte I'm trying to comport Myself with chic decor While i absorb the force Of foreign art imports While feeling deep remorse For all the days of yore I guess it's par the course I'm trying to undo the stinging of my suburban upbringing I feel the venom it sinking into my veins I've been drinking the koolaid Flutes they keep clinking celebrities they keep winking But i've been licking it up Touché So easy to be tempted Hypocrites we all act defensive Better see my name in your motherfucking mentions Say i want no pics but all the attention Yes i'm serious Half deaf furious Wet eyes blurry It's got me worrying Not my sturdiest Check my verbiage Groundhog day Feel so bill murrayish Yes i'm serious So sick and tired of all this self sabotage Eyeliner, punk rock, and black boots my camouflage I wanna go back to cartwheels and santa claus Forget my regrets and package my baggage up I want it all solved in two days like amazon Tried to escape from my mind like it's azkaban Wasted but didn't crash i felt the hand of god Ripple effects hard to tell what the damage was Really i feel like i'm feeling the feelings of my inner child Who's been pounding the ceiling repeatedly Asking for reasons and soothing So i found a bottle and covered the bruising But i was confusing a numbness for comfort Abandoned myself when i slipped under cover Surrendering limits but longing for structure Developing habits and lusting for hunger Selling out packed shows and missing my mother Smiling at assholes and feeling outnumbered Withering back bone the pressure was crushing My spirit exploding the faint scent of sulfur Kept hollowing out but see i was the vulture Kept losing myself but see i'm the abductor Kept chasing the pain, feeding the ulcer Said fuck this whole place but see i built the culture Yeah i build the culture Yeah i build the culture Yeah i build the culture