Unicorn Wizard

Sometimes I wish I was even more awesome than I already am. What would my life be like if I turned this shit up to eleven (out of a possible five)? Ninja Brian, hand me my cloak. And my staff. And my horn. And that thermos of soup. I'm hungry but also thirsty, and you can kind of like eat and drink soup at the same time. Let's go! Riding straight out of your imagination Using my magic to fight against crime Destroying evil with powers most awesome Protecting the weak almost all of the time. But not Sundays -- Game of Thrones is on! Now is the time for a man of conviction The world needs a hero, and I am that guy Look! Who is that masked man? That's Ninja Brian, but shut up about him. Let's focus on me, because... I am the Unicorn Wizard Riding for justice on a comet of stars With the help of my sidekick Princess Handjob I'm more awesome and smarter than I already are I am the Unicorn Wizard My spells are amazing, and my reflexes quick My horn is my strength and my strength is my power And my power is my horn and my horn is my dick. Here's your opportunity to stop listening if this song got too amazing for you. No? OK. My life is a party, the guests are supermodels Operation: I Rule is a total success Every day I invent a new form of karate That changes the way that Japan views the West Then we retire to the Chamber of Passion And bathe in pool of strawberries and cream The strawberries rub and exfoliate gently The cream travels places you can't even dream Ugh, I think I just dreamed it. How was it? Amazing? Uhh. You mean Uhh... stounding? Yeah. You do. I am the Unicorn Wizard Just like Danny Sexbang, I'm handsome and strong With the help of my hellhounds Tinkles and Gary We punish the wicked then break into song I am the Unicorn Wizard A superhero for the entire human race My wand casts a spell that will unlock the door And the wand is my junk and the door is your face Danny, Danny, wake up! Oh hey mom. I had the craziest dream! I was the unicorn wizard. Aww, shut up. Unicorn Wizard! I said shut up. You shut up.