How Much Tequila (Did I Drink Last Night?)

How much tequila did I drink last night? It's really anybody's guess I poured them so fast I couldn't keep them in the glass But this morning I sure am a mess My head is four or five times it's normal size And I got this big old cactus stuck between my eyes I can't recall a single thing I did or said Or the names of all these people sleeping in this bed Tell me how, tell me how, tell me how, tell me how Tell me how much tequila did I drink last night? How did I get these cuts and bruises all over my body? I must have fallen down somehow Well, I believe it must have had something to do with karate -- it's all coming back to me now I was standing in a bar with King Kong's cousin He must have been seven foot three His elbow gave me a bump, and so I said "Hey, chump Would you like to step outside with me?" Tell me how, tell me how, tell me how, tell me how Tell me how much tequila did I drink last night? My mouth is filled with cotton and my brain is sore I left last night's dinner on this morning's floor My belly is swollen and my eyeballs shrunk I drank so much that my hair got drunk I see a big old worm about ten feet long Hallucinating purple cows Somebody moved the furniture while I was gone Uh oh, this is not my house I could call us a taxi on the telephone If I just knew where we are I guess I'm gonna have to drive myself back home As soon as I can find the car Tell me how, tell me how, tell me how, tell me how Tell me how much tequila did I drink last night?