Poor Unfortunate Souls

I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch
True? Yes

And I fortunately know a little magic
It's a quality I always have possessed
And dear lady, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed (Pathetic)

Poor unfortunate souls
In pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed

Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying, "Spells, Ursula, please!"
And I help them
Yes I do

Now it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't pay the price
And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals
Yes I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole I've been a saint
For those poor unfortunate souls

The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes, on land it's much prefered for ladies not to say a word
And after all dear, what is idle prater for?

Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it if they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn
It is she who holds her tongue who gets a man

Come on you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead
Make your choice
I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your voice

You poor unfortunate soul
It's sad but true
If you wanna cross the bridge, my sweet
You've got the pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
And go ahead and sign the scroll

Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boys
The boss is on a roll
For this poor unfortunate soul