I Was Once a Weak Man

[Verse 1]

He is clean, but not too clean

His breath fresh, but not too fresh

These are the results of a shower without soap

And just one pellet of gum

He carefully returns his second phone to his refuge beneath the front room floor

Gently flattens the rug on top

And strips down to his underwear

He finds his wallet

Filled with the credit cards he hasn't used

And lays it on the kitchen counter in its familiar place

To be found in the morning by a curious consort

[Chorus]

Like fiends, we rise from the tomb of love

It's the curse of fools to be secure

We are sportsmen, we are conquerors

The day is disease and night the cure

[Verse 2]

He never uses names

That's too dangerous

He calls them baby and sweet cheeks and hot stuff and darling

And he's a master of the feigned surprise

A doyen of deception

Sometimes he wonders if he could have been on the telly

He really is that good

[Chorus]

Like fiends, we rise from the tomb of love

It's the curse of fools to be secure

We are sportsmen, we are conquerors

The day is disease and night the cure

[Verse 3]

He knows the quiet floorboards

Knows exactly where to tread

Even in this state, his muscle has memory

He's a tiptoeing Travolta, a minging Michael Jackson

Lighting up the timbers underfoot

And as he silently approaches the bedroom door

He wonders, as always

If maybe he's getting too old for this

But, as always, he concludes

"Well, Mick Jagger does it

And he's older than me"