Christmas Infiltration

[Intro: Abed (Danny Pudi) & Troy (Donald Glover)]

What if you were a Jehovah's Witness

That was merely pretending to be into Christmas

Gathering clues and blending in

To take down the holidays from within?

You mean like a spy, investigating?

Making it seem like I'm celebrating

When actually I'm infiltrating Santa's operation? (Yoip!)

[Verse 1: Troy (Donald Glover)]

Going deep cover past enemy lines

Making everybody think I'm on the Christmas side

Rockin' warm sweaters, hangin' big ass lights

If the fat man could see me, yo, it's gotta look right

I'll watch all the TV specials that I never could

I'll even cry during the sad ones like James Bond would

And when the big night comes, it's time to set the bait

Cold milk, hot cookies, decorative plates!

And he'll come down the chimney and it will be just him and me

But he won't know we're enemies, 'cause I'll play sincere

Bring a trap, like that, hug him tight, get on his lap

And tell him he can come back every year

'Cause I am Jehovah's most secret witness

So I might have to dedicate my life to Christmas

And act just like I love it 'til the day I die

[Verse 2: Abed (Danny Pudi)]

A-B-E-D

Connoisseur of Christmas

On the spectrum? None of your business

Thoughts too fast to comprehend

Just wanna do right by my friend

If years were seasons, this December

Would be the December of our December

More blueprints than Howard Hughes

But if there are blueprints, how do we choose?

We have to be happy to get to the end

We have to save Christmas to save our friends

[Refrain: Abed (Danny Pudi) & Troy (Donald Glover)]

We have to save Christmas to save our friends

We have to save Christmas to save our friends!