Mrs. Claus' Kimono

I'm a sinister elf with a sinister plan

Santa's little helper with too much time on my hands

He's got a fine lookin' wife for such an old man

I can see her lookin' at me when there's no one else around

And I'm countin' down the days to December 24th

The old man's in his sleigh, I'm sneakin' in the back door

She asks if I know what the candy cane is for

While he's slidin' down the chimney, I'll be comin' back for more

Not really worried 'bout the old man findin' out

'Cause me and Rudolph worked the whole thing out

It's not about vengeance or anything like that

I just want a little sex and the old man off my back

Rudy's out for blood 'cause he hates the fat old man

'Cause he caught him in the stables with his fat little hands

On a female reindeer he likes named Wynona

And the last thing that he wants is to see is Santa on her

So we're loadin' up the toy sack with heroin and crack

We'll send Santa off to Georgia and he ain't comin' back

And we call up an evil green Grinch, we'll tell him Santa's holdin'

And they'll have him on the chain gang and the electric chair

The electric chair

And there'll be a happy ending, all you girls and all you boys

There won't be no more Santa, there won't be no more toys

There'll be no stoppin' Rudy and Wynona

And I'll be taking off Mrs. Claus' kimono

I'll be taking off Mrs. Claus' kimono

I'll be taking off Mrs. Claus' kimono

I'll be taking off Mrs. Claus' kimono

Merry Christmas