Moses vs. Santa Claus

[Intro]

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

MOSES!

VS!

SANTA CLAUS!

BEGIN…

[Verse 1: Santa Claus]

Sweet robes, Obi-wan-too many days in the sun

Stop preachin' homie, teach your flock to covet some fun!

I bring joy every year, man I represent cheer,

You represent sandals and a scraggly beard

I'm from the North Pole, that's why my rhymes are so cold!

I spit diamonds but I'm serving up some fresh coal

You've been a naughty boy, you brought a plague of frogs

You'd best arrest yourself, you broke your own law

Or was there something in Rule Six I didn't understand?

My list says killed Egyptian dude, buried him in sand

I read your book, you got a strict religion

No bacon? But mandatory circumcision?

I'm a jolly bowl of jelly, giving holiday presents

But all the chosen people ever get for Christmas is jealous!

[Verse 2: Moses]:

When I was high up on the mountain God revealed the truths of the Earth

But he never mentioned a fat-ass Papa Smurf

It takes 9 reindeers to haul your fat-ass

You took the Christ out of Christmas and just added more mass

You need to stop breakin into houses and creepin'

And peepin' on naughty kids while they' sleepin'

And keep yo' hands off my stockin', don't you "Ho Ho" me!

I'll split yo ass in half, like I did the Red Sea

You ain't a saint you' a slaver, like a pharaoh in the snow

Stop with the unpaid labor, and let my little people go!

[Verse 3: Elves, Santa Claus]:

We ain't slaves! All that sand turned your brain to mush!

I think you need to stop smokin' all that burnin' bush

Yeah, we're magical workers, man! We hang with reindeers

Yo! Here's a GPS! Who gets lost for forty years!?

You're a glorified secretary, so write this down

Begat deez nuts! Santa Claus is comin' to town

[Verse 4: Moses]:

So much drama in the Israe-L B.C.,

It's kinda hard talkin' directly to the G-O-single-D

Hand me my chisel, I got a new command'izzle, for y'all:

Thou shalt not let children sit on a grown man's lap at the mall

I'll beat you ten times before the bread can rise, you dummy

And walk off to the land of my milk and honies

[Outro]

WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!