When I Get to Heaven

[Verse 1]

When I get to heaven, I'm gonna shake God's hand

Thank Him for more blessings than one man can stand

Then I'm gonna get a guitar and start a rock and roll band

Check into a swell hotel; ain't the afterlife grand?

[Chorus]

And then I'm gonna get a cocktail, vodka and ginger ale

Yeah, I'm gonna smoke a cigarette that's nine miles long

I'm gonna kiss that pretty girl on the Tilt-a-whirl

'Cause this old man is goin' to town

[Verse 2]

Then as God as my witness, I'm gettin' back into show business

I'm gonna open up a nightclub called The Tree of Forgiveness

And forgive everybody ever done me any harm

Why, I might even invite a few choice critics, those syphilitic parasitics

Buy 'em a pint of Smithwick's and smother 'em with my charm

[Chorus]

'Cause then I'm gonna get a cocktail, vodka and ginger ale

Yeah I'm gonna smoke a cigarette that's nine miles long

I'm gonna kiss that pretty girl on the Tilt-a-whirl

Yeah this old man is goin' to town

[Verse 3]

When I get to heaven, I'm gonna take that wristwatch off my arm

What are you gonna do with time after you've bought the farm?

And then I'm gonna go find my mom and dad and good old brother Doug

Why, I bet him and cousin Jackie are still cuttin' up a rug

I wanna see all my mama's sisters 'cause that's where all the love starts

I miss them all like crazy, bless their little hearts

And I always will remember these words my daddy said

He said, "Buddy, when you're dead, you're a dead peckerhead"

I hope to prove him wrong, that is, when I get to heaven

[Chorus]

'Cause I'm gonna have a cocktail, vodka and ginger ale

Yeah I'm gonna smoke a cigarette that's nine miles long

I'm gonna kiss that pretty girl on the Tilt-a-whirl

Yeah this old man is goin' to town

Yeah this old man is goin' to town