At Peace

Hedge every bet
Lick every boot
Make every appeal 
Prostrate yourself to the killing machine to spare yourself from it’s wheels
“Better them than me” rolls so seductively off your tongue
Your reckoning has begun

In spite of endless war, extinction level events, depredation and plague
everyone one of your ancestors survived to reproductive age
The probability that you are even here is next to none
Hey! No pressure everyone!

When shit got dark I had to face it alone. There’d be no crying for help
It’s just how I’m wired; I’ve had to figure shit out my whole life by myself
I ain’t saying it’s cool; it’s fucked up
Truth be told it’s cost me a few friends
But sometimes you must protect yourself

Motherfucker, I’m resourceful, resilient
I power through the waves of disappointment
Maybe not quite thriving but I’m buoyant
I am at peace these days
(give or take a fit of blinding rage)

I can’t seem to shake the belief
that there’s a liminal state between
death and rebirth in which you and me reconvene
Oh yes, I’m really fun at parties
Draw a dink on my face with a sharpie
Excuse me sir, this is an Arby’s. I am at peace

I am at peace
Though presently convulsed with grief, I am at peace

Some days I’m scared I’m going to die
Or even worse: I might survive
I try to keep these words in mind
“nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight
Gotta kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight”