Kitty Cat’s Revenge

Well, when I was young, I had a job with the Fire Department Rescue Squad

And we got a call one day to get a cat out of a drainage line

Now the lady was frantic and the day was hot

And she'd mentioned her kitty was an ocelot

A fact that did not seem all that important at the time

'Cause they're usually neutered, declawed, defanged

But this little fella still had everything

And when I found him back in that drainage pipe

He was a tremblin', shakin' mess

Well, I reached to grab him, but he grabbed me first

And that's the worst I thought I'd ever been hurt

But that was before I hit my head

On that big dirt dauber's nest

Since I was on my knees anyway

I thought I'd just offer up a little prayer

Lord, have mercy on me

Save a place in Heaven for me

'Cause we're running outta room in this drainage pipe

Yeah, the cat and the bees don't need no help

They're doin' just fine right by theirselves

But anything you can do for me, Lord

I'd sure be much obliged

Well, everything I grabbed was either tooth or claw

It was like tryin' to fight a circle saw

And those bees, Lord, have mercy, friends

They were all over me

It was a stingin', bitin', clawin' fight

And then I dropped my big flashlight

But it really didn't matter

I was hurtin' so bad, I couldn't see

And on my hands and knees, I couldn't stand up

And I couldn't turn around, so I had to back up

But I couldn't see or remember which way

That I had come in from

And I took a wrong turn and the grade got steep

And then me and the cat dropped 30 feet

And most of those bees followed us down

To that sewage treatment pond

You've heard of steppin' in it, friends?

Heh, heh, I was up to my clavicle

Lord, have mercy on me

Save a place in Heaven for me

'Cause all of my strength is nearly gone

Yeah, those bees are stingin' and the cat can't swim

And I can't get away from either one of them

I think it's time you intervene, Lord

And call somebody home

Then my buddies found me and pulled me free

And, friends, I looked like a Christmas tree

And they sprayed the bees

And gave the lady back her cat

And I went home and showered 14 times

Got bandaged up and I did just fine

But in all my life, I've never hurt so bad

Or smelled quite like that

And I can remember prayin'

Lord, have mercy on me

Save a place in Heaven for me

'Cause we're running outta room in this drainage pipe

Yeah, the cat and the bees don't need no help

They're doin' just fine right by theirselves

But anything you can do for me, Lord

I'd sure be much obliged

Anything you can do for me, Lord

I'd sure be much obliged