Murder Show

(Spoken Intro)

[NICK]

All right, I'm gonna head out

[CHLOE]

Have fun

[NICK]

What are you gonna do?

[CHLOE]

Just finish up work and relax

[NICK]

Okay, well, don't miss me too much

[CHLOE]

I won't

[NICK]

All right, bye

(Musical Intro)

[CHLOE]

Finally, he's gone

[EGO]

I have the whole night to unwind

[MELISSA]

And do a little self-care

[KATE]

The only way I know how

(Song)

[WOMEN]

I'm gonna watch a murder show, murder show

I'm gonna watch a murder show

Netflix, Showtime

HBO and Dateline

Murder show, murder show

I'm gonna watch a murder show

YouTube, Hulu

That's my favorite thing to do

[CHLOE]

Two sisters got killed on a cruise in the Bahamas

I'm gonna half watch it while I fold my pajamas

[MELISSA]

Severed limbs found on a beach in Chula Vista

But I just kinda stare while I eat a piece of pizza

[EGO]

They dig up some bodies and do an autopsy

[CHLOE]

Boring!

[EGO]

Wake me up when it's Munchausen by proxy

[KATE]

A bodybuilder chopped up an old lady

I watch it while I text my sister 'bout her baby

[WOMEN]

Murder show, murder show

Every type of murder show

Late night, true crime

This is my relaxin' time

Murder show, murder show

I'm gonna watch a murder show

[CHLOE]

Last night, I found a new one

Where they found a cheerleader's head in an old coal mine

I watch it while I pay my taxes online

[EGO]

Satanic killer on the loose in Texas

And I'm on Insta keepin' tabs on my exes

[MELISSA]

Cannibals cut off people's flesh and they boil it

I watch it all while I'm sittin' on the toilet

[KATE]

Six pretty girls got scalped at the prom

I watch it in the background while I FaceTime my mom

[WOMEN]

And as soon as I'm done, I listen to a podcast

About the same guy as the show I just watched

'Cause now I'm fully down the rabbit hole

I hope for a body count, like six or seven

A really high body count, 10 or 11

15, 16, now it's getting interesting

If it's not at least 20, then girl, he ain't worth it

(Spoken Interlude)

[NICK]

What  the hell? Have you just been watching murder shows all night?

[CHLOE]

Uh, yes

[NICK]

You do realize that there's a type of show that's even better than murder shows, right?

[CHLOE]

Wait, what?

[NICK]

Oh, yeah

(Song)

Have you heard about cult shows, cult shows?

Different kinds of cult shows

Brainwash, sex, and ugly dudes

And a bit of volleyball

Death cults, sex cults

We all like sex cults

[ALL]

Murder shows and cult shows

[MELISSA]

And don't forget baking shows

(Spoken)

What? I like baking shows! Whatever, screw you guys. I'm eating all of them

(Outro)

[NICK]

Body shows