This Is Not Possible

If you're traveling with the band and you get to Frankfurt

And there's an icy feeling there and your feelings can get hurt

We got to the venue and asked the guys, “Is our equipment here?”

And they said, “This is not possible”

We said, "Well, it's cold outside and it's raining cats and dogs

Can we at least come inside and eat a Frankfurter hot dog?"

We asked them "Is this at all remotely plausible?”

And they said, “This is not possible”

I said, “But we need to rehearse and a few of these guys just met

We need to get to know each other, and it's cold outside and  it’s wet”

They said, "Hey, we're not your promoter, he's on vacation

I'm a bartender, he's a bouncer and the merch girl’s stuck at the train station"

I say, “Hey, we can roll with this

But could you please be the slightliest bit hospitable?"

They said, "What do you mean, 'roll with this'?

Are you from California, dude?"

We said, "No, we were just wondering

If you could be the slightliest bit more affable?"

And they said, “This is not possible”

So we said, “Fuck you guys, this has been a waste of our time”

And so we headed out of that dreary-ass place

May I suggest a place when you're jet-lagged as hell?

It's twenty minutes outside of Frankfurt

It's called the Romantik Hotel in the suburb of Frankfurt in a place called Schloss Rettershof

That’s right the Romantik Hotel in Schloss Rettershof

Schloss Rettershof

In Schloss Rettershof

The Romantik Hotel in Schloss Rettershof

There are goats and sheeps and horses outside

And the lady at the desk is very polite

We said, "We know we're here early but can we possibly

Get into our rooms early, if it's not too much trouble?"

And she said, "Yes, this is possible"

We go to lunch and the waiter brings three type of salts

And he politely and eloquently describes them all

I said, “Could I possible get a decaffeinated coffee with cream?”

He said, “Americano, espresso, latte, what do you mean?”

I said, “I mean a decaffeinated coffee with cream”

And he said, “Yes, this is possible”

I went to bed, and I was so tired I slept past 9 PM

I went to the front desk and she said, “I’m sorry, you missed your dinner. The restaurant is closed sleepy man”

I said, “But you don’t understand, I traveled a very long way from the USA

Can you please check with your kitchen and see what they say?”

And the guy from the kitchen came out and said, “Sure, I remember you

You're the guy who likes the tagliatelle”

I said, "Yeah, that's me, thanks for remembering, I’m the guy who likes the tagliatelle"

I said, “Could I please order it again?”

And the chef said, “Yes, this is possible”

I woke up an hour or two late and my band members seemed moderately hostile

I said, “We gotta get to the road to Holland

But I'm hungry, do you mind if I eat as quick as possible?"

They said, "Sure, but we're late, but I guess your request is totally reasonable”

And they said to me, "Mark, yes this is possible"

I asked a waiter, "Could I please get a glass of water?"

And he said, "Perhaps you'd like sparkling or a still in a large bottle?"

I said, “Sparkling please, if it's not too much trouble"

And he said, “Of course not, yes this is possible"

And when we arrived in Utrecht, the hotel was delightful

Not like the one the put us in in Frankfurt, a youth hostel

I asked the front desk, "Could I please get a few extra blankets, and maybe a pillow?"

And the she said, "Yes, this is possible"

And late at night we went on a hunt for food

The place had many things to choose from

Burgers and shawarmas and falafels

I said, "Can I possibly get some fries and a falafel?”

And the man said, "Yes, this is possible”

And after I ate my falafel my stomach felt awful

I asked the front desk lady if she had some Pepto-Bismol

She said, “Well we have the Dutch version but I have to warn you it tastes very awful"

I said, “That’s no problem. Can I have some, please?"

And she said, "Yes, this is possible”

As they say, "When in Holland, do the like the Dutch"

So I went to the henhouse to feel a hen's touch

I said, "Could I possibly buy an hour of your time, if it's not too much trouble?”

And the hen said, "Yes, this is possible"

So the moral of the story is that in the country of Holland

Whatever you ask for, they say "Yes, it's possible"

But in the city of Frankfurt, whatever you ask for they say “This is not possible”

But in the city of Rettershof right outside of Frankfurt

There is a peaceful hotel that is amiable and comfortable

I recommend it highly, take your girlfriend there for a week

It's dreamlike and magical and serene and quaint

Now if Germany calls and says “Would you guys like to come over here and play a festival?"

I'd say, "Sure, if you could put my band in the Romantik Hotel in Schloss Rettershof"

But if Germany says, “Well Mark, this is not possible”

Then I'm gonna say, “Sorry, this is not possible"

But if they call and ask me to see if I want to play in Berlin again

Of course I’m gonna say, “Yes, this is possible"

Is it possible that my favorite Lou Reed album is Berlin?

Yes, this is possible

Is it possible that the band Berlin wrote a song called "Sex"

That gave me a raging boner when I was 15?

Yes, this is possible

Is it possible that my favorite Jonathan Richman song is called "Hospital"?

Yes, this is possible

Is it possible that J.D. Salinger wrote my favorite novel?

Yes, this is possible

Is it possible that my favorite meal is chicken and waffles?

This is not possible

Is it possible that the United States President needs to be admitted into a mental hospital?

Yes, this is possible

Is it possible that I’m singing this song in Berlin in front of thousands of people tonight?

This is not possible

Is it possible that I’m actually in the studio in the Tenderloin in San Francisco in the studio singing to Jim on drums, Ramon on guitar, Jeff on bass, Chris on keyboards, with Nathan behind me engineer and I’m in a vocal booth

Yes, this is possible