Tears would flow from my eyes and I didn’t know why
So I got down on my knees and just cried
To this day I still see myself in the fetal position on the bed
And I still remember all of the thoughts that were running through my head
And I’d ask him why, I’d scream to him why
But he left me there broken and crippled inside
Why me of all people to be out through this why, and he left me laying there with no reply
That night I felt my whole world die, and I swore that’d be the last time I cried to the sky
And I cut my hair all the way up to my scalp, and I have anger towards her because she did nothing about it
What did she do, she sat back and waited. To the point where every day in my head now suicide is contemplated
And how I would go about it and all the in-betweens, and if my soul would burn forever, or if it’d be set free
I can only imagine the pain that’d be left here afterwards, but that’s nothing compared to the things that I’ve felt. That’s nothing compared to the wound marks on my soul, and maybe it would take for me to die, for everyone who’s affected my life to know
I’ve learned so many things in less than a year, I’ve learned you shouldn’t judge people on the clothes that they wear. I’ve learned that we should accept people for who they really are, I’ve learned that band aids have a good way of covering scars
So before you say something cruel to someone think, how am I affecting this person psychologically. Nobody’s real, not even me. And heaven ain't all you thought it’d turn out to be. They’ll shoot you down if they don’t agree, even if it’s everything you believe
The world’s a hard and lonely place we all know this. But hell, only a few people get to experience it. People blame society for brainwashing their kids, but are they forgetting they’re the ones that raised them to be like this. People blame society for every standard we have to meet, but are we forgetting we’re the same people that make up ‘society’. I swear it’s just crazy to me
And it feels even crazier because no one seems to agree. I used to be depressed because of internal things, and personal insecurities. Now I know I’m depressed because of how society makes me out to be. When will people make the realization and see. We were supposed to be naked eating fruit off of trees
I don’t claim Christianity but I do know one thing, this was not what the world was supposed to be
So much to say, so little time to say it. Maybe I should rewind time and say a prayer
Maybe I’ll be stubborn and ignore the people I need. I’m sorry to any and everyone who’s ever loved me
I’m such a contradiction, but like everyone else I’ll blame it on the world that we live in. We need a savior, Jesus are you there ?
Where were you that day I cut my hair all the way up to here ? I tried calling you, resources told me you would always answer. But all I ever got was voicemail
And you ask me why I don’t believe ? Because whenever I come searching for you, you always run away from me
I told my friend the other day, love is a philosophy by which we measure our pain. We ‘love’ them when it’s sunny, but ‘hate’ them when it rains
And marriage is for all, and sometimes I believe in war. And sometimes I believe in pain, and sometimes I believe in strange. And I’m starting to believe that love and hate are the same thing
Pessimism is an emotion before it is a philosophy, and truthfully, I think that I’m the only one that’s stopping me
I started to believe in hope, then I tripped over reality. I started to think I was wrong, but you got to believe your own mentality
I don’t use profanity to be cool, don’t give into the stereotype. I use it to distinguish what I feel is wrong and what’s right
I have reasons to my actions even if I never showed you, and even though I curse your name, I’d give anything to hold you
