What I Know Now

I was hot I went to parties a lot Y'know? I was driving Lamborghinis Sipping super dry martinis In the tiniest bikinis on a yacht But I was depressed (urgh) Also completely obsessed An unhappy beauty queen Who dreamed to be Miss Canadia I had such low self-esteem I was a mess So I gave it all up for the netherworld I've been here forever, girl If I was more clever, girl I would've stuck it out Knowing what life's about Pain and joy and suffering Failing but recovering I'll tell you another thing Everyone here is alone So if you are breathing Go home! If I knew then What I know now I would have looked within and let love in somehow If I only knew The truth back then I wouldn't have had my little accident Don't be blind You left your whole life behind See a shrink Call a priest Ask the recently deceased Death is final and you cannot press rewind Don't jump when the light is red Toasters should be used for bread Never smoke cigars in bed Nietzsche was right, y'know, to live is to suffer, bro Don't cheat on the one you wed Never whip a thoroughbred Angry pygmys shrunk his head Why did it take death to see Happiness was up to me? If I knew then What I know now I would've laughed and danced And lanced every sacred cow I thought I knew But I was wrong 'Cause life is short But death is super long I exploded! Pardon me if I'm gettin' a little too comfortable But I don't want your candy 'Cause the sweetest treat Would be your number Baby you're sweeter than candy corn, c'mon! I don't know what the trick is, 'cause you certainly look like a treat Is that some candy in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me? If I knew then (if I knew) What I know now I would've crossed every line And drank all the wine Before my final bow If I knew (if I knew) The things that now I know I would ride the highs and cherish the lows Knowing it's a great trip around the rodeo So before they lower the curtain, be certain to join the show That's what I know! Life is short but death is long Here, one minute then it's gone Thought I knew but I was wrong If I only knew what I know now!