What I Know Now

I was hot
I went to parties a lot
Y'know?
I was driving Lamborghinis
Sipping super dry martinis
In the tiniest bikinis on a yacht

But I was depressed (urgh)
Also completely obsessed
An unhappy beauty queen
Who dreamed to be Miss Canadia
I had such low self-esteem
I was a mess

So I gave it all up for the netherworld
I've been here forever, girl
If I was more clever, girl
I would've stuck it out
Knowing what life's about

Pain and joy and suffering
Failing but recovering
I'll tell you another thing
Everyone here is alone
So if you are breathing
Go home!
If I knew then

What I know now
I would have looked within and let love in somehow
If I only knew
The truth back then
I wouldn't have had my little accident

Don't be blind
You left your whole life behind
See a shrink
Call a priest
Ask the recently deceased
Death is final and you cannot press rewind

Don't jump when the light is red
Toasters should be used for bread
Never smoke cigars in bed
Nietzsche was right, y'know, to live is to suffer, bro
Don't cheat on the one you wed
Never whip a thoroughbred
Angry pygmys shrunk his head

Why did it take death to see
Happiness was up to me?
If I knew then

What I know now
I would've laughed and danced
And lanced every sacred cow
I thought I knew
But I was wrong
'Cause life is short
But death is super long
I exploded!

Pardon me if I'm gettin' a little too comfortable
But I don't want your candy
'Cause the sweetest treat
Would be your number
Baby you're sweeter than candy corn, c'mon!
I don't know what the trick is, 'cause you certainly look like a treat
Is that some candy in your pocket?
Or are you just happy to see me?

If I knew then (if I knew)
What I know now
I would've crossed every line
And drank all the wine
Before my final bow
If I knew (if I knew)
The things that now I know

I would ride the highs and cherish the lows
Knowing it's a great trip around the rodeo
So before they lower the curtain, be certain to join the show
That's what I know!

Life is short but death is long
Here, one minute then it's gone
Thought I knew but I was wrong
If I only knew what I know now!