[MR LUCAS, spoken]
Ten
[MISS ELF, spoken]
Nine
[GRANDMA, spoken]
Eight
[GEORGE MOLE, spoken]
Seven
[PAULINE MOLE, spoken]
Six
[DOG, spoken]
Bark!
[BERT, spoken]
Four
[PANDORA, spoken]
Three
[NIGEL, spoken]
Two
[ADRIAN MOLE, spoken]
One
[ENSEMBLE, spoken]
Happy new year!
[ADRIAN, spoken]
January 1st 1981:
I feel absolutely rotten, after hearing
The disgusting noises coming from
Downstairs last night, I've decided my first new
Years revolution is:
Never drink alcohol
[sung]
Every year is just the same
A big disaster
And they're always vomiting upstairs
Every year they cause a fuss
Getting drunker faster
But it's not like anybody cares
And no
They never stop complaining
And no
I always get the blame
And so
Yet again it's up to me to do every chore
That's what I'm here for
So we can make it through
Another year
[spoken]
Resolution number two:
Help the poor and ignorant
Starting with my parents
[PAULINE MOLE, sung]
Every year the same mistake
[GEORGE MOLE, sung]
Every year a saga
[PAULINE, sung}
And we always end up sick in bed
[GEORGE, spoken]
I'm dead!
[PAULINE, sung}
Don't know what I drank last night
[GEORGE, sung}
Ten pints of lager
{PAULINE, sung]
Can I get some water?
[GEORGE, spoken]
Oh, my head!
[PAULINE, sung]
Oh god I think that I was singing
[GEORGE, sung]
Oh god I think I kicked the dog
[BOTH, sung]
It's hard! we never seem to learn
[GEORGE]
But we'll battle through
[PAULINE]
Like we always do
[BOTH]
And we'll try and make it through another year
[ADRIAN]
But this year could be different
Yes
This year things could change
My spots will disappear
And I'll grow tall, six-foot at least!
And I might get a girlfriend
I'm thirteen and three quarters
But I'm stuck
Just my luck
And I'm slowly going mad
[MR LUCAS, spoken]
Cooey!
[ADRIAN, spoken]
Resolution number three:
Be kind to the neighbours
Hello Mr Lucas!
{MR LUCAS, spoken]
Hello, where's my little sunbeam?
[sung]
Oh, how are you feeling today?
I heard that you weren't feeling well
Oh, Pauline, I hope you feel better
[PAULINE]
I feel so much better!
[GEORGE]
I think that these flowers were meant for your wife!
Get out of our kitchen
And out of our lives
[GRANDMA, spoken]
George! Adrian!
{ADRIAN]
Hiya, grandma!
[GRANDMA]
Honestly, would you look at the state of this house
[sung]
Every year the same old mess
Oh it's so demeaning
Look at all these empty cans of beer!
Do they leave it all to you?
To do the cleaning?
Or do they think that this will all disappear?
Get down!
You can't be that hungover
Get down!
You idle little sods
This town is going to the dogs
Because of folk like you
[PAULINE]
What's your mother doing here?
[GRANDMA]
Still in bed at two!
[GEORGE]
Coming round to interfere
[GRANDMA]
Why's there rubbish everywhere
[GRANDMA, PAULINE, GEORGE]
I don't know how I'll get through another year
[ADRIAN]
Help me
Save me
How do I escape? life just isn't fair
[GRANDMA, PAULINE, GEORGE]
Another year
[ADRIAN]
Blameless, shameless and they're out of shape
They don't even care
[GRANDMA, PAULINE, GEORGE]
Another year
[ADRIAN]
Shouting fighting
Every year it's worse
Why can't they just stop
[GRANDMA, PAULINE, GEORGE]
Another year
[ENSEMBLE]
Where's the love and caring
That there ought to be
In this family
[ADRIAN]
Trying to get through another year
