AFRAID

Been running in circles for years Still stuck Still scared I feel so fucking lost I wake up shaking before I can breathe My mind hits hard like it wants me to bleed I try to hold myself together but I break again And I hate the person I become when the fear kicks in I don't trust people, I've learned to stay alone Every time I open up, it cuts straight to the bone My chest locks tight before the day begins And I'm tired of pretending that I'm stronger than this Nothing helps Nothing fucking works Therapy changes nothing My therapist said he needs a therapist after hearing me And it scared the hell out of me I don't know how to live with this fear It hits my chest and keeps me here I just want a moment where I can breathe But I'm scared of myself more than anything I don't know how to feel okay Everything I try just fades away I just want to feel normal again But the fear in me keeps breaking me Afraid to open up Because people leave Afraid to trust Because trust cuts deep Afraid to feel too much Because I fall apart Afraid to love Because love never stays Afraid of changing Because change hurts Afraid of staying the same Because this pain won't stop Afraid of losing control Because I know how it ends Afraid of myself Because I'm the one who breaks me Every day gets heavier Every night I break Nothing I try Takes this fear away Can't trust anyone Can't trust me Can't escape What's inside of me All I want Is to feel normal Just once Just once I don't know how to live with this fear It hits my chest and keeps me here I just want a moment where I can breathe But I'm scared of myself more than anything I don't know how to feel okay Every step I take pulls me the wrong way I just want to feel normal again But the fear in me keeps drowning me Still scared Still trying Still breathing Still here