After Jane

Lately I've been thinking about you alone In that Tampa apartment Shaking by the TV set alone With no friends in your apartment I think that's why I made a point that year Of watching all Chicago games That was the same year you disappeared That was the same year I changed You and your mother and father would watch them Together talking on the phone too And since the three of you are gone now I can watch them for you Remember thinking on that day For years - to me you've been dead already I was hurt so bad I built a castle wall To block all the things that you said to me And the hole in your heart's passed to me down I find it sort of funny how... The more that I live and the more I do wrong It's easier and harder to sing my songs Remember our visit on Christmas eve when You didn't recognize who I was You thought I was an actor playing your son You quizzed me I got right every one Remember thinking on that night For years - Your mind had been gone already I could feel your ribs You took an ocean of pills Nervous for how you would act for me Now the grace in that pain's passed to me down When I think of that night it's funny now The more that I live and the more I do wrong I'm channeling your hurt when I sing my songs You were never cleaned up enough to remember You saying 'I don't love you' But since I know that wasn't you speaking I can say it for you Your skeptical soul lives on in me We hate bureaucrats, rules, and shame We spit on the doctor who thought she was better Presuming that she knew your pain Now the beat of your heart's passed to me down I feel you laughing on my brow The more that I live and the more I do wrong... I'm channeling your heart When I sing my songs The more that I live and the more I do wrong... I'm channeling your heart When I sing my songs