Hit the Switch

I'm staring out into that vacuum again From the back porch of my mind The only thing that's alive I'm all there is And I start attacking my vodka, stab the ice with my straw My eyes have turned red as stoplights, you seem ready to walk You know I'll call you eventually, when I wanna talk Til then you're invisible Cause there's a switch that gets hit and it all stops making sense And in the middle of drinks, maybe the fifth or the sixth I'm completely alone at a table of friends I feel nothing for them. I feel nothing, nothing Well, I need a break from the city again I think I'll ship myself back west I got a friend there, she says, "hey, any time." Unless that offers expired, I have been less than frequent She's under no obligation to indulge every whim And I'm so ungrateful, I take, she gives and forgives And I keep forgetting it And each morning she wakes with a dream to describe Something lovely that bloomed in her beautiful mind I said "I'll trade you one for two nightmares of mine I have some where I die, I have some where we all die." I'm thinking of quitting drinking again I know I said that a couple times And I'm always changing my mind, well, I guess I am But there's this burn in my stomach and there's this pain in my side And when I kneel at the toilet And the mornings clean light pours in through the window Sometimes I pray I don't die I'm a goddamn hypocrite But the night rolls around and it all starts making sense There is no right way or wrong way, you just have to live And so I do what I do and at least I exist What could mean more than this? What would mean more? Mean more?