Dinner and a Movie

[Intro: Chris Webby & Friend] “Hey Webby, we got some groupies at the door, homie” “Ah, tell them to go somewhere else, I’m not really trying to do that right now” “So where do you want me to tell them to go, because they have to come here” “It’s like, I’ve had some bad experiences, okay? It’s really, ehh, it’s a long story” “Like bad good experiences?” “No they were just bad” “Alright, tell me” “Alright” Yeah, yeah [Verse 1] It all started when I met her; couldn’t help but to sweat her She was bad, so I hit her with that, “Hi, I’m Chris Webster” Spit a little game, had some drinks when I left her She handed me a number and suggested that I text her Weeks went by and I’m scrolling through my holding deck Saw the name Suzy, so I sent her an emoji text Kissy face, then I got an, “Oh, hey you” “What up, yo?” “Nothing, boo, let’s get drunk, come through” Get her address, and I GPSed it Thinking we gon’ have some drinks and dinner over Netflix Maybe smoke a joint, then later have some sex with her Not knowing that she’s crazy and obsessive Got there; she had four cats; now I got alarms going Off in my brain, but she was hot, so I ignored them Posters of me on her wall; now my eyes opened To the fact this bitch is psycho; now that shit is really showing I had one drink, and my eyes got lower Speech started slurring, and my mind got slower Then I realized I got roofied, and I fucking fell over “Well come here, silly pants, come sit with me on the sofa” FUCK! This is not good, Chris, hold it together dude! “Now you’re mine, Christian; we’ll be together forever, boo” This is bad! This is bad! I can’t even stand, yo! Then my vision cut to black like the end of The Sopranos [Hook] I met a girl once; her name was Suzy Little did I know that she already knew me I got her number, and I hollered in a few weeks Unaware she was a bat shit groupie Went to her house, tryin’ to get some coochie Had a drink, and I started feelin’ woozy Didn’t realize I got roofied And I just thought we’d get some dinner and a movie [Verse 2] Woke up the next day handcuffed to her headboard Butt-ass naked, hickies everywhere, neck sore Dick sore, leg sore, this is what I get for trustin’ bitches When I break free, oh you gon’ get yours Vision blurry and my memory shitty In a dark basement; where the fuck is she? Probably upstairs with her cats watchin’ Sex and the City I need to break free, come on now, Webby, be witty See my pants on the ground, and I grab ’em with my foot Kick ’em up to where my hands are at; let’s give ourselves a look What do you know, I got an Adderall up in my left pocket So I popped it, dun-du-dun-du-dun, don’t need a locksmith Ripped those cuffs off like Kong in captivity Put my socks on and hear, “No! You can’t friggin’ leave! You’re all mine!” “Crazy-ass bitch, are you kidding me!” Then she pulled a steak knife out and tried stickin’ me I ran around her and I sprinted up the fuckin’ stairs Still wearin’ only my socks, not even my underwear She’s chasin’ me, and I can’t remember where the door is She ran into the kitchen throwin’ silverware, a fork hit my bare dick Then I took a spoon to my left nut “You wanna play bitch, okay, well guess what?!” But I had nothin’ to follow that statement So I started chargin’ at her full speed, butt naked [Hook] I met a girl once; her name was Suzy Little did I know that she already knew me I got her number, and I hollered in a few weeks Unaware she was a bat shit groupie Went to her house, tryin’ to get some coochie Had a drink and I started feelin’ woozy Then I realize I got roofied And I just thought we’d get some dinner and a movie [Verse 3] I was halfway to her; then her cats start attackin’ me Swipin’ at my penis, jumpin’ on my back, scratchin’ me Grabbed one by the tail, and I swung it like some nunchucks Ron Jeremy style, beat those pussies the fuck up “Don’t hurt my fucking cats! I’ll kill you, I really will, yo!” Then I tackled her ass through a glass window We fell down; she looked around, and grabbed a sharp glass shard And stabbed me in the ribs, then she stabbed me in the abs hard Then she broke away; I started bleedin’ out Then I seen her runnin’ towards her fuckin’ neighbor’s house Grabbed a stick up off the lawn and through it hard and ooh she stumbled Tripped and fell face down in her neighbor’s garden Caught up to this bitch, stepped up in some mud and slipped Layin’ in the grass, “Someone call 911, quick!” Look and seen Suzy knocked out in a damn tomato plant Neighbors callin’ cops and reportin’ a crazy naked man Drag myself bleedin’ right up to the driveway Got back in my car and hit top speeds on the highway Made it to the hospital, bloody, nude, and exhausted Almost didn’t make it; the doctor just couldn’t call it But I did, and I never heard from Suzy again So now I’ll never touch another fuckin’ groupie again Never be that fuckin’ thirsty for the coochie again And meet a chick for dinner and a fuckin’ movie again [Outro] You have one unheard message “Hey. It’s uh, Suzy. I know things got kinda weird between us. I haven’t seen you in a year. But uh, I miss you. I’m outside your house right now actually. See you soon” End of message