X-M@$

Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree Gussied up with candy canes and balls Those carolers have kept me up for hours It's "Merry Christmas' seeping through my walls Now I'm no wiccan commie nut or nothing But there's one damn holiday that I can't stand It ain't Halloween, or Thanksgiving, or even April Fools But it'll surely make a fool out of every man Ha! If I ain't drunk, then it ain't Christmas You know where to stick those jingle bells If I ain't hammered it ain't Hannukah And all you motherfuckers go to hell If I ain't cockeyed it ain't Kwanzaa Joy to the world and Jack and coked If I ain't drunk, then it ain't Christmas 'Cause I ain't never anything but broke Now, every year the malls are just a madhouse Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles Just the smell of eggnog makes me vomit And those colored lights are fucking infantile I think we collectively as the people Should rise against this corporate jolly noise And tell the world, "Let's buy some peace and quiet for a change" Before we spend it all on fucking toys Ha! So, if I ain't drunk, then it ain't Christmas You know where to stick those jingle bells And if I ain't hammered it ain't Hannukah Fa-la-la-la-la, go fuck yourself! If I ain't cockeyed it ain't Kwanzaa Joy to the world of getting stoned But if I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas So, leave this goddamn scrooge the fuck alone Ha! Merry fucking christmas!