Hi, I'm Nigel Burt
You might know me as the guy that lurked
In the hospital pulling back the final curtains
Savin' lives is my line of work
I'm overworked
And I'm overpaid
Nobody else gets home as late
No time to poo
No time to wee
To go on a date
No time to sleep
See
But regardless
Of what they're payin' me
I'm the hardest in the A.N.E
A couple o' whiskeys
A couple o' Baileys
I'm ready for my shift
Gimme the blade, please
This is an emergency
Surgery
Third degree burns
Leave the patient
Waiting in purgatory operating with urgency
We can't take an eternity
Blood loss rate is discernably worse
Than the state of my purse
On my late anniversary
Unlucky
That's why I stay here so late
Just to earn a fee
That's why the patient is lay
His tag is lay on display(?)
To this infirmary
Yeah, I may have made a mistake
There may be stains on my apron
But baby hey, I'm just sayin' that when the table is shakin'
In the back of an ambulance
It's a little difficult to keep on track what your hands
Are doin'
Oh Golly
When you're on a trolly
Tryin' to find the right tools like where's Wally
If I was you I'd be crying for my mummy
I'd give you a tissue but I've got not one on me
Sorry
I'm a little unprepared
But luckily you're not in a position to be runnin' scared
Caught you unawares
Unsheath the ties(?)
Now you asleep give me a pizza knife
What are you worried about
Too scary?
I'm just the new tooth fairy
I'm coming for your calcium
Like a loon let loose in a dairy
When I said I'm not a dentist
What I meant is
Of all my skills it's just a percentage
My qualifications might be invented
But I won't get better without trying to attend to you
Dentally demented
I tend to need apprentices
Because a tendancy
To comprehend
More than me I generally pretend it
And so far I've never been suspended
Kid theatre?
I'm territorial
Less surgical more gladiatorial
If this gets any more gory I'll put it on YouTube as a tutorial
I've been awake on call for days
My eyes are redder than when I went to UltraLaze'
Not a qualified eye surgeon
But I can't help but help when your eye's hurtin'
See I'm a nice person
Chris Martin
I'll try to fix you
Quick stick a heart in
And I start to weave
Hit an artery
Make a chest cavity
Big enough to park in
Demographically set in the present(?)
Increasing the speed
That you'll get an inheritance
I never get dumped for medical negligence
Not because I'm good
But 'cuz I bury the evidence
Demographically set in the present(?)
Increasing the speed
That you'll get an inheritance
I never get dumped for medical negligence
Not because I'm good
But 'cuz I bury the evidence
Chop chop
(Ha ha)
Your life
In my hands
