Lesley

Look, they say the universe, it works in a strange way And it must be true because we ain't from The same background or same place But me and Lesley ended up on theat same train I'm talkin' every day I used to wake up around seven or eight To catch the 9:06 to Norbury station Two different worlds in the same location One day we ended up speaking And I would talk about college She would talk about meetings And how she's plannin' on leavin' How she hates what she does But she needs it I asked her what she would do When it's the weekend But she said, she said "I don't know myself I don't know myself no more" She used to be the life of the party for true But now she goin' out hardly ever Her man got her in the yard forever And her friends wanna help But it's hard to tell her Hard to let her know that Her man's possessive and aggressive And she can't even see it But for them it's clear as day She's in a situation Her friend Hannah had a man that was manipulative So she can see it from a mile off Turtle-neck jumpers, make-up around the eye spots All the signs were there But Leslie made it seem a light affair Said it wasn't right to share Her boyfriend he was a mystery man I didn't know much about him But he's been in the can Name's Jason, he's a bad boy with no reasonin' To be honest, I don't know what Les sees in him 'Cause she's a good girl with a sweet heart But they both got demons in the deep past You know opposites attract, apparently Never heard her talk about her family ever, uh-uh He was all that she had Until they had an argument And he stopped callin' her back And I don't know if there was More to the story than that 'Cause she plays things down But according to that He went missing one day In the morning, he ran She's doin' over-time Struggling affordin' a flat 'Til she lost her job It fucked all of her plans Couldn't pay the rent Borrowin' and callin' for cash But Hannah, she was there for her Cared for her When I saw Les, she told me "I don't know myself I don't know myself no more" Les sayin' "I got nothin' to live for It's been raw but, David, I ain't ever been this poor There's no income My boyfriend left me So how the fuck am I gonna Survive when this kid's born?" And I said, "It's a blessing, as mad as it is And, Les, I never even Knew that you were havin' a kid" Bro, she's four months pregnant Young and neglected Single, but I don't think She wants to accept it So she's still textin' exes Tryna get this back on track But I don't think that she gets it It's emotional obsession Clinical depression Life is a lesson And you ain't gotta sit and cry 'Cause Lesley, livin' in this gift called life There's no better gift than the gift of life So, can you handle it?" "I don't know myself I don't know myself no more" But that changed here perspective Late in December Her baby's expected to drop She's accepted, excited, electric, pumped Only gotta wait a few months Her and Hannah had lunch Told her she's pregnant And they're the closest of bredren So she didn't stop to tell her I think that's it's an error You ain't a mum for a day You're a mum forever Whatever, and you and Jason break up whenever If I'm honest, that's something You shoulda done together She doesn't know that her and Jason goin' out again And Jason doesn't know that Lesley's carrying a child for them She had daydreams of settlin' down with Jason Better 'cause now they're together it's wild Feelin' like she needs to call her friends and tell 'em 'Cause, while she's lettin' 'em down But most of them are never around She calls Hannah the next day Still tryna figure out the best way to tell her That she's gettin' back together with her ex flame So she left her a voicemail Like "Yo, Hannah, it's Les Can you call me back? I wanna talk about the baby You, me, Jason, all of that I been feelin' like I need to get my aura back I used to be so fuckin' confident But these days, I swear that I don't know myself I don't know myself no more" It's 3:30 Lesley was meant to get a scan But today I think she's goin' home early Tryna talk to Jason, tell him 'bout the kid Addressing any reservations Have that conversation Middle of the summer and it's rainin' Waitin' at the train station Hella cancellations, so she gets a taxi Sittin' in the back seat Blue jean jacket and a maxi Actually tired and her legs are achin' Touched her destination Way faster that the cab driver's estimation She put the key in the door She couldn't believe What she see on the floor Some size-five trainers Ragin', tears in her eyes, but it's cool 'Cause they must be the neighbour's And Jason's in the bedroom, fully naked Lesley's runnin' up the stairs But she's makin' noise And she can hear Jason's voice sayin' "Hide in the closet" But he's made his choice So she bursts in Sayin', "What kind of person Would cheat on his pregnant girlfriend?" Jason sayin', "What the fuck? You're pregnant? What the fuck? You weren't even gonna tell me I mean, what the fuck What d'you want from us? Nah, you ain't in love You just wanna love Lesley tellin' Jason,"I don't wanna love I don't want a you-and-I, I don't want a us And also, I don't wanna talk loads One more line, before I dash like Morse code Open the wardrobe" And Jason's on the edge "I just wanna see if she was prettier than me Slimmer than me Maybe your baby's similar to me Maybe you wanted someone thicker than me Fitter than me To satisfy you quicker than me I got your baby in my stomach And you did this to me What did I ever do to you For you to finish with me? I didn't believe my girls But they were thinkin' of me And give it to me, The wardrobe, give me the key" I was pullin' at the door But Jason's bigger than me Literally, I remember viscerally Jason pullin' from behind me Now he's grippin' on me White flashes, eye gashes When he's hittin' me, see I just wanted to disappear I wasn't livin' for me Physically, I shut the fuckin' doors Quick as could be He's outside, askin' why I made him do what he did Using a kick to open up the room that I'm in I'm feelin' afraid, barricaded With a chair in the handle I'm hearin' sirens I just wanna run away, but I can't Jason's gone by the time Police have come and they saw that there Ain't no one else in the house The feds are runnin' through the door, shoutin' "We have reports of an argument with a woman" There's blood all over the floor And it's splattered onto the wall Lesley's on the bed and she's tryna speak to the feds She's deep in the stress And there's metres above her head If anything she couldn't even say anything But she's got this really sharp pain where her belly is So they call an ambulance Lesley even had planned for this Police are in the room tryna Find the missing piece of the puzzle Until they stumble on somethin' that's kinda random It's a phone, in the wardrobe It had five missed calls from Jason And also a couple other numbers So they're thinkin' that it's no help Until they play the voicemail Like "Yo, Hannah, it's Les Can you call me back? I wanna talk about the baby You, me, Jason, all of that I been feelin' like I need to get my aura back I used to be so fuckin' confident But these days, I swear that I don't know myself I don't know myself no more" She felt sick to her stomach, she started panickin' Mind rattlin', tryna understand what Hannah did Battlin' the shame 'cause the situation embarrassin' Tryna fathom it, betrayed by her own garrison Meanwhile, she's on the deck Tryna manage this piercing Pain in her stomach She couldn't handle it Now she's waiting for an ambulance Look, and I know she's strong But when I heard about What happened I was over-shocked Her nose was gone Her jawline shattered and rot They said her baby was The reason she was holdin' on She's dozing off Doctors gettin' no response Her heart rate's slowin' down And they don't know what's wrong Picked her up, got her out of the home And on to the stretcher for good measure But she's fading out, uh She took damage to the brain And now she's in a coma as we speak But I ain't sure if she can make it out You see, this time that I'm takin' out to tell you the story Is more that a song or track It's a message to a woman with a toxic man I'm beggin' you to get support If you're lost or trapped I understand that I can never under-stand And I ain't sayin' that it's easy but it must be right Some of your sisters, aunties Mums or wives are fucked inside And they won't ever touch on why I'm touched, 'cause I've seen Women that are loved or liked Cry a little red tear through a bloodshot eye This shit's awful No matter what culture, it ain't normal Men try and twist it and make it seem like it's your fault In that train full of people that you're takin' How many Lesley's are runnin' from their Jasons? Angel without wings Like the day without the night To bring her peace A song without a voice A spark without a flame A child without a name Oh it's just wrong Like an ocean without a shore A soldier without a war How can we do this anymore? A song without a voice A spark without a flame A child without a name Oh it's just wrong Well, we've made a massive amount Of progress in this last year, haven't we? Feels like a long journey And I must say it's been a pleasure To watch you mature and grow In thought and in your career and life You've opened up immensely I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't miss these sessions But you know, you can never stop learning about yourself So you're always welcome I'm just happy you're at a place now Where you feel you understand your emotions And are in control