Epic rap battles of history!
Thomas Jefferson
Versus
Frederick Douglass
Begin!
When in the course of human events
It becomes necessary
For a battle to commence
Then kaplow
I hit 'em with the illness of my quill
I'm endowed
With certain unalienable skills
Let me run down my resume will ya?
Set up a little place called the United States
Sound familiar?
I told King George he could eat a fat dick
When it comes to declarations
I'm the first draft pick
I'll topple any tyrant
So king and pirates beware
I'm so down with revolutions
I invented the swivel chair
I've many volumes on my shelves it's true
But I've yet to read the three books
You wrote about YOU
Looking like a skunk in a three piece suit
Didn't come back from Paris to battle Pepe Le Pew
First Secretary of State
VP number two
Not to mention thrid President
The fuck'd you do?
You finished?
Okay
Straight outta bondage
A brainy motherfucker here to diss you
Big hair, big nuts, big issues
Starting with your nickel
There's a real declaration
Heads for racist, tails for slave plantation
You're a soft white Monticello Marshmallow
Watching my people sweat, while you sat playing cello
Hello!
But now you're facing me, Freddy D
I'd never work for your ass, but I'll kick it for free (oh!)
You're stone face on Rushmore ain't nothing
Check my photos, now that's real muggin'
The face of a free man, taught himself to read man
No compromise, you couldn't whip a 5th of me man
You got a self evident truth of your own, you let freedom ring
But never picked up the phone
Aw Frederick, I've never heard a verse I dug less
Alright I admit it, I confess
I participated in a broken system that I hated, but I needed to keep my financial status situated
And the words I used were a "hideous blot" to describe the slave trade and the pain it had brought
And I fought to stop the trade of new slaves in Virginia when I ran the whole state and still made it home for dinner
So forgive I was busy man I had a lot to do
But we did it you're free now, so... we cool?
This ain't Louisiana man, I ain't buying it, you talk about freedom, but you ain't applying shit
So no we ain't cool, you founding absentee father
You had six babies with your slave mama and never even bothered to free her when you died on the 4th of July
It's a very important holiday, but what the fuck does it mean to this guy?
'Cause I celebrate December 6th, 1865
The day the 13th damn amendment was ratified
And I ceased to be an alien to your unalienable rights, and we the people stopped meaning, we the people who are white
Man you did some good things, I ain't denying your fame, I'm just saying they need to put an asterisk next to your name
Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!
Epic rap battles of history!
