Snack Attack

Midnight Saturday sat in the dark Watching the ceiling falling apart The air-conditioner's been busted for weeks So the smell of cooking seeps through the floor I can't eat no more They want me to be as light as a feather So the Doctor's wired my jaws together Now I'm locked in the bedroom away from the food So I lie on my back in the dark in the nude I can't eat no more I got to use a straw But if the Devil dragged me down to the kitchen I wouldn't put up a fight I'd gladly sign away my soul For a T-bone steak tonight I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac I gotta eat, I gotta eat a Flapjack A stack, a rack, a six-pack Jack Just call me Jack Kerouac Click-clack open up the hatchback I could eat a Bubble car or a packamack Pattacake, pattacake Big Mac Good God it's a snack attack Gimme sausage, egg and beans and chips Milkshakes, clambakes, fondue & dips And sauces, horses, 17 courses Of barbequed beef with asparagus tips Rashers of bacon, bagels and lox And tandoori prawns and a box of chocs Spaghetti with mussels, palma hams & Deep frozen waffles with syrup & jams My willpower's gone I'm down on my knees Praying to the God of cottage cheese It's no good trying I'll never beat it 'Cos if it moves I'll eat it So undo my trousers, let out the slack Who cares it's a snack attack It's a snack attack I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac I gotta eat, I gotta eat a Flapjack A stack, a rack, a six-pack Jack Just call me Jack Kerouac Click-clack open up the hatchback I could eat a Bubble car or a packamack Pattacake, pattacake Big Mac Good God it's a snack attack It's a snack attack It's a snack attack It's a snack attack My father was a gents outfitter My mother went crazy, they had to commit her They used to tell me don't be a quitter But I know deep down I'm the runt of the litter I can't eat no more I gotta use a straw How do you take an overdose Or even pretend to do it When the last straw is the one in your mouth And you can't suck sleepers through it I can't eat no more I gotta use a straw But if the Devil took me to Mexico To taste his guacamole I'd gladly sign my name in blood And give him the keys to my soul Because I can't eat no more I can't eat no more I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac I gotta eat, I gotta eat a Flapjack A stack, a rack, a six-pack Jack Just call me Jack Kerouac Click-clack open up the hatchback I could eat a Bubble car or a packamack Pattacake, pattacake Big Mac Good God it's a snack attack It's a snack attack It's a snack attack I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac I gotta eat, I gotta eat a Flapjack A stack, a rack, a six-pack Jack Just call me Jack Kerouac Click-clack open up the hatchback I could eat a Bubble car or a packamack Pattacake, pattacake Big Mac Good God it's a snack attack It's a snack attack Midnight Sunday asleep on the floor Curled up in the corner can't take no more Armies of food invade my sleep Led by lasagnas ten inches deep My head is pounding my heart is beating Cows are mooing sheep are bleating I'm being haunted by all the meat I've eaten And then a burglar alarm goes off in my head And I wake up screaming am I dead or alive And the clock says five It's only five in the morning I'm covered in sweat Am I hungry? you bet! Cold turkey's what I'm going through Cold turkey's what I need But they hung a sign on my appetite Saying "Danger Do Not Feed" I can't eat no more I got to use a straw I can't eat no more I can't eat no more And they've even taken away The pictures of food I had on my wall And my treasured collection of menus They screwed up into a ball In front of my face they flicked it Out of the window into the night But they'll never unscramble the combination They'll never get it right Now if they made a feature film That featured only food I'd wallow in the crowd scenes While the rest of the audience booed And if I got myself a video I could satisfy the need I could check out the action frame by frame And watch the calories breed But I can't eat no more I got to use a straw I can't eat no more I can't eat no more I got to use a straw I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac I gotta eat, I gotta eat a Flapjack A stack, a rack, a six-pack Jack Just call me Jack Kerouac Click-clack open up the hatchback I could eat a Bubble car or a packamack Pattacake, pattacake Big Mac Good God it's a snack attack It's a snack attack I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac I gotta eat, I gotta eat a Flapjack A stack, a rack, a six-pack Jack Just call me Jack Kerouac Click-clack open up the hatchback I could eat a Bubble car or a packamack Pattacake, pattacake Big Mac Good God it's a snack attack It's a snack attack