Watermelon

[Verse 1] First I'mma march through the DoubleTree™ And make all the residents watch I Heart Huckabees I'll start five free festivals For people brave enough to show their IQ test results The government should issue people roller skates Only optional for the elderly and the overweight All politicians should get replaced So when they lie, somebody's there to punch them in the face I'll put brushes on everybody's fenders To free the city budget from shoveling all winter Bless municipal ticketing department papers And no memorizing street cleaning parking hours Make P.E. instructors show their figure for An English professor's teach Cappa's verse on Winter Warz These kinda thoughts should fly like a chopper propeller But they give all the talk shows to that Costas fella' With this brain I should've been had some mozzarellas I tried getting attention, I did lots of yelling [Hook] God dammit, I'mma smash me a watermelon You think I'm playin'? Somebody pass me a watermelon A big, fat, red, and black-seeded watermelon You think I'm playin'? I'mma smash me a watermelon I ain't playin', somebody pass me a watermelon A big, fat, red, black and green-seeded watermelon (Muthafucka) [Verse 2] Of course I do my shows double-dare style Do you see this ridiculous ass hairstyle? I'm bald on the top like Kojak But curly on the sides like the hairs on my ball sack Yeah, I put my money where my mouth is You see how big this motherfucking couch is? And mainstream America's afraid of me Shit, I taught Jimmy Kimmel his ABC's Ha! See that wick? We're evolved from winters Cause saber-tooth tigers tried to eat us all for dinner I'm descended from the ones that were smart enough To hide in a cave and learn to write in the dark and stuff And motherfuck Carrot Top He carries props but that's where his merit stops He's a Vegas lounge act, I'm an astronaut When I hear his punk ass gets laughs, I'm shocked I book my own tours, fuck taking half the box Ain't talking guns when I say I let the hammers pop [Hook] God dammit! I'mma smash me a watermelon You think I'm playin'? Somebody pass me a watermelon A big, fat, red, and black-seeded watermelon I'm not playin', somebody pass me a watermelon I got a hammer, I'mma smash me a watermelon A big, fat, red, black and green-seeded watermelon (Hella subversive)