Barbacue food is good
You invite me out to eat, I should go
But I'm feeling kind of nervous
And not quite myself
So I'm running late on purpose
And I know this won't help
How things have become between us
If I go you'll give me hell
And that I don't know how to fix it is making me unwell
Well
I arrive at your house but you've just got up
And you are wearing a towel and your eyes look dark
I help to dry your body and I see your cut
So I give you a plaster and we cover it up
I say "have you been crying?"
And you say "shut up"
So we sit in the garden and touch grass with our hands
The sun is going down now and it's been okay
You tell me all the things you did while i was away
And this worries me somewhat
But you say you're fine
Listen
Can you hear it?
Does it speak?
Will I feel it?
Will it hurt?
Am I near it?
I don't know
I don't know how more people haven't got mental health
Problems, thinking is one of the stressful things I've
Ever come across and not being able to articulate what I
Want to say drives me crazy, I think I should read some
More books, learn some new words, my sister used to
Read the dictionary, I'm gonna start with that. I'd like to
Travel, I want to see India, and the pyramids, a whale and
That race with all the bycicles in France. I'm not sure about
Rivers, they scare me, but I love swimming, I'm good at it
And when I swim I count the laps and this helps me relax
When I was younger I saw a house burn down and I
Walked past it everyday for the next six years, derelict, black, chalky
And dangerous, I wondered if squatters lived there, I'm
Still not sure but I know there were never any parties
Because it was a shithole
After a while the council got round to tidying up the
Town, they decided it was an eyesore and so they
Tore it down, behind the house was a wall with a
Few bits of crappy graffiti and the word CUNT
Written in giant letters and now I walk past that
I like go to the park, I like walking through it, I
Like taking my dogs there, and friends and I like
Being alone. I like being able to shout but I wish I
Could be quiet, when I'm quiet people just think
I'm sad and usually I am. Sometimes when I'm at
A really noisy train station, one of the ones with the
Big fat trains like Kings Cross I feel like putting
Down my bags and shouting things out because I've
Got something to say. Don't you want to share the
Guilt?... don't think just try and sleep
