My Old Man's a Dustman (Ballad of a Refuse Disposal Officer)

Now here's a little story To tell it is a must About an unsung hero That moves away your dust Some people make a fortune Others earn a mint My old man don't earn much In fact he's flippin' skint Oh, my old man's a dustman He wears a dustman's hat He wears cor-blimey trousers And he lives in a council flat He looks a proper nana In his great big hobnail boots He's got such a job to pull them up That he calls 'em daisy roots Some folks give tips at Christmas And some of them forget So when he picks their bins up He spills some on the step Now one old man got nasty And to the council wrote Next time my old man went 'round there He punched him up the throat Oh, my old man's a dustman He wears a dustman's hat He wears cor-blimey trousers And he lives in a council flat I say, I say, Les Yes? I, er, I found a police dog in my dustbin Well, how do you do know he's a police dog? He had a policeman with him Though my old man's a dustman He's got an 'eart of gold He got married recently Though he's eighty-six years old We said, "'Ere, hang on, dad You're getting past your prime" He said, "Well, when you get to my age It helps to pass the time" Oi! My old man's a dustman He wears a dustman's hat He wears cor-blimey trousers And he lives in a council flat I say, I say, I say Huh? My dustbin's full of lilies Well, throw 'em away then I can't, Lily's wearing them Now, one day whilst in a hurry He missed a lady's bin He hadn't gone but a few yards When she chased after him "What game do you think you're playing?" She cried right from the 'eart "You've missed me, am I too late?" "No, jump up on the cart" My old man's a dustman He wears a dustman's hat He wears cor-blimey trousers And he lives in a council flat I say, I say, I say Not you again My dustbin's absolutely full with toadstools How do you know it's full? 'Cause there's not mushroom inside He found a tiger's head one day Nailed to a piece of wood The tiger looked like miserable But I suppose he should Just then from out a window A voice began to wail It said, "Oi, where's me tiger's head?" "Four foot from his tail" Oh, my old man's a dustman He wears a dustman's hat He wears cor-blimey trousers And he lives in a council flat Next time you see a dustman Looking all pale and sad Don't kick him in the dustbin It might be my old dad