Walk On the Wild Side [Live: Take No Prisoners]

[Lou Reed] We had some kind of a nut here the other night man There was no place to put the fucking glass So like I put it on the floor Because I didn't want to get the fucking piano dirty Because it costs so fucking much There's a lunatic out there who comes after the show says "I wanna talk to that fucking Reed man Why'd he throw a cup at his Roadie" Five cops and he hits a cop Gee man, what an asshole Hey! And he has his brother here right And he punches a cop, oh man I want to talk to Lou about the answer to life And why, why are you booing me? So next time your wondering, and I don't live that far from here Like I can say "Wow man" I get out of the limo and there's going to be the dragon with a cape saying "All your sins and then some." And I say "But I'm not Catholic Jack" The Umbrella man is on Rikers Island studying to be a dentist You remember him? With the cape? [Audience Member] Hey Lou! [Lou Reed] What? Suprise you huh? What you think this is question and answer? [?] It's not my fault man 28,000 years ago come on, come on, come on I don't have anything to say I just want it to be quiet I've been here a week You think that's an accomplishment? I think that's something you're sentenced to And if you don't get that, you get to play here [?] 2 hours with 14,000 animals throwing beer cans at you Ah, but that's Rock'n'roll bullshit Not behind my back it ain't I stand corrected Michael We know the rhythm come on Ain't a metronome Don't you show any passion If you'd show any emotion I'd fire you I am not sure, we did this song all week and It's not like I don't want to play your favorites it's just... There's so many favorites to choose from No? The thing is I was so sick of that song And I don't get sick of my own songs, I like my own songs So, we hadn't done her in a while But it's only doing it at night And It's not cause I like it, It's cause I'm not bored with it Everybody gets bored of somebody sometimes Except me, I'm lonely Me and my several selves discuss it at night Lou #1 and Lou, Lou #5 Hello Is that you again? Reformer Mea Culpa Holly came from Miami F.L.A I have no attitude without a cigarette I'd rather have cancer than be a faggot That wasn't an anti-gay remark Coming from me man that's a compliment Like going to bed with a brontosaurus, man It's out of style, Whats its style? Nothing is its style man Have you gotten into nothing yet? Why not, cause its nothing Saturday night man where do you want to go Watch me turn into Lou Reed before your very eyes! Ahhh I do Lou Reed better than anybody! So I thought I'd get in on it Enough attitude to kill every person in Jersey Ask him if it's scientific Holly came from Miami F.L.A Hitchhiked, hitchhike - All the way across the U.S.A Plucked her eyebrows along the way Shaved her legs and said he was a she And then she said "Why don't you take a walk on the wild side?" "Why don't you take a walk on the wild side?" Would you like to know how that song got written? I know you'd been dying to ask Does that sound like Holly Woodlawn? That's an in-joke I guess Believe it or not, the first time I quit Rock'n'roll Because of too many lawsuits 'Cause I could not afford my lawyers I still can't but now I got the government as partners Fantastic, I get the government, like a week, you know In Puerto Rico, in a nice hotel And your like what are you complaining about asshole? I just play guitar man Hi Bruce Springsteen is alright, by the way He gets my seal of approval, I think he's groovy You notice the way the critics turned on him Like after they were on him right? When he needed him, they weren't there Critics What does Robert Christgau do in bed? You know, is he a toe-fucker? Man, anal-retentive—The Consumer’s Guide to Rock? What a moron! A Consumer’s Guide to Rock, man! I object to the fucking liner notes Start studying rock ‘n’ roll? I can’t believe it “Baroque Rock: A Study by Robert Christgau.” John Rockwell, man. Wow! You know how heavy it is to get reviewed by Rockwell And he says you’re intelligent? Fuck you! I don’t need you to tell me that I’m good “Mr. Reed.” You know, you say “Oh, man, I’m in The New York Times It said ‘Mr. Reed.’” Fuck you! Your doorman wouldn’t kiss my ass, man, I don’t give a jackal He, right, he studies at Harvard, right monologue But dig this, man, opera! A fucking opera guy, man! And that’s the critic for The New York Times that makes and breaks the best rock bands that are very heavy and intelligent Notice there are no colored rock groups? Certainly not in The New York Times with John Roberts He wouldn’t go there, man, he comes to CBGB’s with an armed guard - Don’t touch me, man. And he’s a big dude Somebody should say, “John, don’t be afraid.” And Christgau is like an anal-retentive Nice little boxes. “B-plus.” Can you imagine working for a fucking year and you got a B-plus from an asshole in The Village Voice? And you don’t gotta take this shit You don’t have to talk to the fucking journalists, man. And they get in for free, and the best seats, in case you’re interested And there’s no way we can do anything about it The club owners want the good review So you get the asshole right up front, looking bored He’s going, “When is this shit over, Marty? You got some coke? Oh, boy. Anyway, I know you’re not interested in my problems Neither am I Candy came from out on Massapequa, Long Island This is true! this is true! believe me Oh wow is that true In the backroom, she is everybody's darling Went to a brothel and [?] And when she was giving you the greatest head Even when she was giving ya the greatest head There was nothing Candy ever said but "Hey babe, Why don't you come out and take a walk on the wild side." I really miss Candy, and I didn't even know her that well I'm such a scam artist She had leukemia from a silicone tit, and I'm supposed to feel sorry? Man! then don't fucking do that! Don't you know, have health education? Don't put plastic in your fucking tit You got no heart, man I don't have enough heart for 14000 assholes But I got enough for you! Oh Really? You're almost as boring as you look, thanks You look like a democrat, wanna go to bed? Hey Little Joe Little Joe is an idiot, I don't know if any of you know that Here is this guy like this You talk to him for like 2 minutes And you realize he has an IQ of like 12 So like he is the only guy I know who went to Italy to be a movie star And It's not happening I mean everybody is ready to go to bed with him and make him a star You know he can barely tie his shoelaces And I know Einstein couldn't tie his shoelaces but it's not like that! Not even close man You know he just sits and watches the [?] They say Joe your getting old, and he says "I know" "I'll make a Warhol film," But you can't do that anymore, man Andy has taken himself away from us And he's right, now I know why he did it! So, Drella, if you're there: I'm very glad that you're around But man, how, how- Catherine you're there He went to see Monique van Vooren What did she do, sack? Late Show? Monique van Vooren, she has Gore Vidal as a watch Him and Mailer You know, I met Mailer at a party, he tries to punch you in the stomach to see how tough you are He's pathetic, you know Like "C'mon, man" and he's like "What?" You gotta be kidding! Somebody step on him, man Go write a bible Anyway, interesting people Sugar Plum Fairy Hit the street Sugar Plum Fairy Now the person who loved the Sugar Farm Fairy Is the terrible alright? A real terror, she was fired from the New Yorker And corrected Dorothy Parker's prose Can you imagine For those of you who still read: what a snotty remark, I know Anyway She makes her living writing things for the Encyclopedia Brittanica Five cents a word, like last time I saw her she, she Michael, she, she was doing the flower section in Africa Delilahs in Africa, yeah She said: what is the word that will make this thing interesting We call her Tiny Malice, Dorothy Dean Oh man, two drinks and she lays you out I threw a dish at her like filled with cigarettes on Thanksgiving Just 'cause she was getting ready to say, mm She wouldn't come to see me if I was dying Jackie, Jackie Curtis, this was revelations Remember that play, like, you know players are ridiculous? Aahh, yes started that whole thing out at Rocky Horror shit And all that bullshit Oohh man, don't you know, and I guess you don't, it's not your fault It's the journalists, those fucking journalists Why don't we shoot those journalists You don't need those assholes, why do you let them go in here free? Why don't you bitch or something, go to another club, yeah I don't believe you take this shit Anyway, I will run for office next week And I wouldn't vote for me on a prayer I'm not trusted, but Jackie, and I know, she's just speeding away Thought like me, hey I'm Jimmy Dean for a day, what, what But you know that she had to crash And some Valium had helped that bash What do I use now Dilaudid, right, ten grams for a headache Eight, eight dollars in Ohio, right, here it is like fifty-five Unless you go to Chinatown, they bite your nose off Hey, you need something for pain? And then the colored girls, they walk over, guess what they said Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo Wait, baby I was gone tell you how I came to write a song Called 'Walk on the Wild Side' I did not think of it myself Right, that's how I got on this one I had walked out Just when I made an album called Loaded For Loaded Yeah, that's right Because I saw it coming And said oh-oh, get lost, so I walked, right Because we were gonna be very successful And there could be money there and These are my rounds So I became a typist for my old man Forty dollars a week, he says stupid I said yeah, but I never said I was smart I don't want the company man, you know I have had two jobs, one's with a guy in Jones Beach You know the stick with the pin Lasted one day, a guy threw an orange peel down here in the trash I say you gotta be kiddin' man, I got a stick with a pin in it So he put me in the pool area, the guy who walks around When you put your stuff, like in the fucking chair And they say: If you leave and don't take your stuff with you, we throw it in the water That was an afternoon I said: what do you say, can't you read the sign? I was one of them Wow, that was I was shocked I was appalled I WAS TAKEN ABACK! AND THEN HE SAW! So, the guys who did the threepenny opera, this is all true Call me up, of all things they say: We think you are a very literate rock 'n roll person And after Ray Davies We think that you are the person that could take Nelson Algren's Book Walk On The Wild Side And do like a musical thing for all of Broadway I said, I said, you gotta be kiddin' It's about cripples in the ghetto! Man, what are you, out of your mind? They said: oh but, you know-- Very serious intense forty-ish hippies, like gray hair Park Avenue Apartments-- I'm a fucking typist at this point You gotta understand man People saying: oh Lou you're so- These assholes wanna treat me for a book that's about cripples? I'm the best-qualified person to write a book About cripples in music? Kill yourself, man, that's better than being a garage mechanic, I think As long as I keep thinking that, you know, and why, what's the truth I keep saying the genie will appear and say "Hey Schmuck!" It was really groovy all the time being that garage mechanic out in Icelight And I would say, oh wow Why didn't you tap me on the shoulder Because you wouldn't listen Fair enough So they give, they They say go buy a paperback version And they didn't even give me a version I said, "Is it abridged?" Oh, the movie with Jane Fonda They said then: now you got it I like to look at Jane Fonda, don't wanna hear her Now I don't even want to look at her, you know I don't like the sensitive lesbian pictures Look, I, I don't relate, you know, backward I don't relate And facing front is hopeless So I read this fucking book, and I They said: Will you make an X where you think the song should go, haha The cripple goes to the bathroom, oh, oh yeah, cripple cripple I, I got jammed for a few times, I had nothing to say to them So then it became a challenge, so I figured Why don't I write the theme song for Walk On The Wild Side I call it Walk On The Wild Side, that's smart So I had a great time with nothing to write about This stupid fucking book, man Everybody says the guy is brilliant, I said: he's from Chicago Saul Bellow, oh So anyway, then they got Mahogony, that, that play that flopped Diana Ross getting Diana Ross, by the way, is great, as a person She hasn't any good record at the time Love Hangover is not She says [?] that's more than you do So anyway, I had a great title And nothing else, and then they fired me I mean they did it really gently They let me down easily and they said Lou, man, we've got a chance to produce Mahogany on Broadway I said: oh wow, am I crushed Ha, break a leg, I read that book, go get them, man, look Advance the theatre, haha Bruce, you got to believe me, man, these, these people exist Till the play bombed Because assholes like Robert Christgau said it was terrible And in this case it was And I wouldn't go in the first place But there I was writing the song for these assholes Anyway, so then, I had a great time writing, I figured I will save this title for the day I decided to solve the world New York, so I did them