Murder by Numbers

[Verse 1] Once that you've decided on a killing First you make a stone of your heart And if you find that your hands are still willing Then you can turn a murder into art [Verse 2] There really isn't any need for bloodshed You just do it with a little more finesse If you can slip a tablet into someone's coffee Then it avoids an awful lot of mess [Chorus 1] 'Cause it's murder by numbers One, two, three It's as easy to learn As your ABC It's murder by numbers One, two, three It's as easy to learn As your ABC [Verse 3] Now if you have a taste for this experience And you're flushed with your very first success Then you must try a twosome or a threesome You'll find your conscience bothers you much less [Verse 4] But murder is like anything you take to It's a habit-forming need for more and more You can bump off every member of your family And anybody else you find a bore [Chorus 1] 'Cause it's murder by numbers One, two, three It's as easy to learn As your ABC It's murder by numbers One, two, three It's as easy to learn As your ABC [Verse 5] And you can join the ranks of the illustrious In history's great dark hall of fame All our greatest killers were industrious At least the ones that we all know by name [Verse 6] And you can reach the top of your profession If you become the leader of the land For murder is the sport of the elected And you don't need to lift a finger of your hand [Chorus 2] Murder by numbers One, two, three It's as easy to learn As your ABC Murder by numbers One, two, three It's as easy to learn As your ABCDE, oh [Chorus 1] Murder by numbers One, two, three It's as easy to learn As your ABC Murder by numbers One, two, three It's as easy to learn As your ABC [Outro] Murder by numbers One, two, three It's as easy to learn Just turn on your TV