Swims

I can't get the image out of my head Of when I held you right there And watched you die Upstairs in the back bedroom of our house Where we have lived for many years Your last gasping breaths I see it again and again As the breeze blew in The room I still don't go in at night Because I see you Your transformed, dying face will recede with time Is what our counselor said Who we walked to every Monday holding hands Slower every week with your breathing Until we had to drive But then only two months after you died Our counselor died All at once, her empty office with no light on As if her work was done We are all always so close to not existing at all Except in the confusion of our survived-bys grasping at the echoes Today our daughter asked me if mama swims I told her, "Yes, she does And that's probably all she does now" What was you is now borne across waves Evaporating