If You Ever See Me Talking to a Sailor

When the wind's from the Eastern quarter And there's a pungent taste of salt upon the breeze Something troubles your insides Like a scum upon the tides Or something washed up on the beach down by the quays Intuition's what a girl in love relies on I should've known he only wanted to be free I drew my line upon the sand Only a fool would ever stand Between a man and his involvement with the sea And when the tide rolls out You'll find your bed is empty and he's gone So if you ever see me talking to a sailor Some scurvy no-good mongrel of a tar You knock the drink out of my hand Push me over where I stand Take a slug at me but somewhere I won't scar Pin my body to the ground And slap my face to bring me round Then you can roll my silly ass out of this bar For a sailor's not a man to be trusted He'll bill and coo, call you his "chickadee" Oh, but when he's had his way All you'll get is his "good day" Then he'll blow a kiss and scuttle back to sea And when the tide rolls out You'll find your bed is empty and he's gone So if you ever see me talking to a sailor And I blithely stand there passing time of day No, don't you hesitate to think Someone's tampered with your drink And he's shaking out your handbag in the time it takes to blink And all the booze you've ever bought him He's just thrown up in the sink Just call the funny farm and carry me away! For a sailor's not a man to be trusted He's treacherous as tides and hidden reefs And just to get you up the stairs He'll quote the Bible in his prayers And before you know he's bound for Tenerife And when the tide rolls out You'll find your house is empty and he's gone And when the tide rolls out You'll find your heart is empty and he's gone And when you become a woman of a certain age You'll find it's difficult to trust a man Difficult to gauge, when that bilge rat who left you Without a living wage thinks there's still That tawdry glamour of the sea That, I swear to God's completely lost on me So, if you ever see me talking to a sailor Some mangy sea-dog skulking on the quay Ah, just remind me what I've said Or you can shoot me in the head And then throw my bleeding body in the sea! You'll find your bed is empty and he's--gone!