Slap & Tickle

(Difford/tilbrook) She was frigid like a bible When she met her boyfriend michael He took her in his zephyr They sat like salt and pepper Looking out across the city From lover's leap is pretty The lights they flick and flutter He told her how he loved her Next night he called for her But dad protected daughter And told him she was poorly A lie was told there surely So michael felt rejected This wasn't quite expected He drove off to his local Where he felt anti-social She cried all night at missing The boy she could be kissing While he was falling over He drunk himself back sober And went home in a taxi And crashed out in the back seat He slept just like a baby Which he hadn't done just lately He saw her in the morning Out with his sister pauline She felt all shy and soppy He acted cool and cocky He said tonight at charlie's There's going to be a party I'll meet you at half seven She visualised the heaven If you ever change your mind Which you do from time to time Never chew a pickle With a little slap and tickle You have to throw the stone To get the pool to ripple That night they danced together It looked like love forever He put his hand on her leg You should have heard what she said He tried again much later It seemed to aggravate her He drove home in silence Avoiding all violence She said let's watch the city From lover's leap is pretty I think I need the fresh air She put a comb through her hair Then while she turned to kiss him And very nearly missed him She put her hand on his leg He felt her tongue in his head If you ever change your mind Which you do from time to time Never chew a pickle With a little slap and tickle You have to throw the stone To get the pool to ripple