Yellow Submarine - Script

[PROLOGUE] NARRATOR: Once upon a time, or maybe twice, there was an unearthly paradise called Pepperland. Eighty thousand leagues beneath the sea it lay... or lie, I'm not too sure. [00:01:49 THE BLUE MEANIES OVERLOOK PEPPERLAND] CHIEF BLUE MEANIE: Pepperland is a tickle of joy on the blue belly of the universe. It must be scratched. Right, Max? MAX: Yes, Your Blueness. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE: What?! We Meanies only take NO for an answer. Is that understood, Max? MAX: No, Your Blueness. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE: That's better. Are the troops in readiness? MAX: No, Your Blueness. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE: The Bonkers? MAX: No. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE: Clowns? MAX: No. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE: Snapping Turks? MAX: No. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE: Anti-music missiles? MAX: No. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE: The dreadful Flying Glove? MAX: No. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE: Splendid! Today, Pepperland goes blooey! Fire! [The first blue bubble encloses the stand where the band plays. Everybody runs scared.] FRED: The Meanies are coming! The Meanies are coming! CHIEF BLUE MEANIE: Glove, Glove, come here, Glove! Look out there, and what do you see? Tell him, Max. MAX: Someone running, Glove. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE: Yes. Well, you'll soon put a stop to that, won't you, Glovey? Go, Glove, point! And having pointed, pounce down! I haven't laughed so much since Pompeii! What?! What?! What?! The Glove is losing his touch. Do your worst! Explode them! FRED [to the GLOVE, which is pointed him]: It's not polite to point! CHIEF BLUE MEANIE: Thing of beauty... Destroy it for ever! FRED [to the MAYOR and other three people who are playing music.]: Sir, Sir, the Meanies are coming! MAYOR: Not here, young Fred. They wouldn't dare. FRED: They would. They are. What are you going to do? MAYOR: Finish the quartet. BLUE MEANIES: Fire! [One bomb gets one musician.] FRED: Trio, sir. [Another bomb gets the second musician.] FRED: Duet, sir. MAYOR Duet? [The third musician is hit with a bomb too.] FRED: Solo! MAYOR: Young Fred, the Blue Meanies are coming! [FRED takes the MAYOR in his arms and runs.] MAYOR: 4 scores and 32 bars ago our forefathers... FRED: Our quartet? MAYOR: And foremothers... FRED: Another quartet? MAYOR: Made it in this yellow submarine... FRED: What, that little thing? MAYOR: To Pepperland. Climb aboard, young Fred. FRED: But, sir, I can't even make my soap float. MAYOR: I'm appointing you Lord Admiral. FRED: Lord Admiral? In that event, yes. MAYOR: Hurry, Young Fred. Go! Get help! FRED: Where should I go? MAYOR: No time for trivialities. [As the BLUE MEANIES bomb the MAYOR, FRED sails away.] CREDITS [0:07:41 THE BEATLES: YELLOW SUBMARINE] In the town where I was born Lived a man who sailed to sea And he told us of his life In the land of submarines So we sailed on to the sun Till we found the sea of green And we lived beneath the waves In our Yellow Submarine We all live in a Yellow Submarine Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine We all live in a Yellow Submarine Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine And our friends are all aboard Many more of them live next door And the band begins to play We all live in a Yellow Submarine Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine … Full speed ahead, Mr. Boatswain Full speed ahead Full speed it is, sir Cut the cable, cut the cable Aye, sir, aye Captain, Captain As we live a life of ease Every one of us has all we need Sky of blue and sea of green In our Yellow Submarine We all live in a Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine, … [0:10:20 THE YELLOW SUBMARINE GETS TO LIVERPOOL] [0:11:03 THE BEATLES: ELEANOR RIGBY] Ah, look at all the lonely people Ah, look at all the lonely people Eleanor Rigby Picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been Lives in a dream Waits at the window Wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door Who is it for? All the lonely people Where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong? Father McKenzie Writing the words of a sermon that no-one will hear No-one comes near Look at him working Darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there What does he care? All the lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong? Ah, look at all the lonely people Ah, look at all the lonely people Eleanor Rigby Died in the church and was buried along with her name Nobody came Father McKenzie Wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave No-one was saved All the lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong? [0:13:14 STREET OF LIVERPOOL] RINGO: Who... is me? Liverpool can be a lonely place on a Saturday night. And this is only Thursday morning. Compared with my life, Eleanor Rigby's was a gay, mad whirl. Nothing ever happens to me. I feel like an old, splintered drumstick. I'd jump into the River Mersey, but it looks like rain. Nothing ever happens to me. [As RINGO walks down Hope Street, is followed by the submarine. A bobby lies on the floor playing with a cat.] BOBBY: Puss, puss-puss. Puss, puss, puss. Here, pussy. Here, pussy, pussy, pussy. Here, pussy, pussy. [The Bobby sees Ringo] Ahem, er... RINGO: Would you believe me if I told you I was being followed by a yellow submarine? BOBBY: No, I would not. RINGO: Oh yeah, I didn't think you would. [Ringo goes up a hill to reach The Pier, the house where he lives with the other Beatles.] RINGO: I could have sworn there was a yellow submarine. But that isn't logical, is it? It must have been one of them unidentified flying cupcakes or a figment of my imagination. But I don't have an imagination. [RINGO enters the house. FRED comes and knocks at the door.] FRED: Help, help, help! RINGO [from inside]: Thanks, I don't need any. FRED: Help! Won't you please, please help me? RINGO: Be specific. FRED: ... music ... submarine ... Blue Meanies!!! RINGO: What you need is... FRED: 'H' for hurry, 'E' for ergent, 'L' for love me and 'P' for p-p-p-p-please help. [0:16:08 THE HOUSE OF THE BEATLES] [Door opens and Fred enters. There is a long corridor with many doors. A lot of strange things enter and leave the rooms.] VOZ: Hiya, baby! [RINGO goes downstairs in a car.] RINGO: Your story has touched my heart. Jump in, we'll get my friends. FRED: Bless you! RINGO: Did I sneeze? [They return to the corridor.] FRED: Just park it here. RINGO: I'll just park it here. [They enter through a door.] FRED: What would your friends be doing here? RINGO: Displaying. FRED: Displaying what? RINGO: Displaying around. [The room is full of interesting objects, like a museum.] FRED: Can't we take one of these? RINGO: No, Fred, I only work with me mates. FRED: Frankenstein? RINGO: I used to go out with his sister. FRED: His sister? RINGO: Yeah. Phyllis. Hey, I wonder what would happen if I pulled this lever. FRED: You mustn't do that. RINGO: Can't help it. I'm a born lever-puller. [He does it. Frankenstein gets up and takes a drink. Then he becomes JOHN.] JOHN: Ringo, I've just had the strangest dream. RINGO: I warned you not to eat on an empty stomach. Now listen to old Fred. FRED: ... music ... submarine ... Blue Meanies!!! RINGO: What do you think? JOHN: I think he needs a rehearsal. [They return to the hall.] JOHN: When do we leave? RINGO: Let's get the other two, John. JOHN: What day is it? RINGO: Sitar-day. JOHN: Then George will be here. [He opens a door. Indian images.] [0:18:55 THE BEATLES: LOVE YOU TO (beginning)] RINGO: George, what are you doing up there? GEORGE [driving a red car]: Now, what is it, Ringo? Is there a matter you'd like to take up or down? RINGO [pointing to FRED]: This chap here... FRED [JOHN and RINGO also say the last words]: ...Blue Meanies!!! GEORGE: You're nuts, the pair of you. RINGO: Wait a minute, that's my car. GEORGE: How do you know it's your car? RINGO: I'd know it anywhere. GEORGE: What's it look like, then? RINGO: It's red with yellow wheels. [The car changes colours]I mean, blue with orange wheels. GEORGE: It's all in the mind. [They all get into the car.] RINGO: Come on, move over, I'm driving. GEORGE: I got here first. [They argue about who will drive.] RINGO/GEORGE: I'll drive, if you like... No, you sit in the middle... I'm sitting in the middle... You said you were driving... I am driving... I'll get in the back, then. [Finally, they depart. A car crash is heard. They return and open a door. Inside the room there is a girl lying on a bed. King-Kong looks through the window and grabs the girl.] JOHN: Do you think we're interrupting something? RINGO: I think so. We'd better find Paul, hadn't we? [JOHN opens another door. A train is coming at full speed. John closes the door, scared.] GEORGE: It's all in the mind. JOHN: Try one of those doors. [RINGO opens a door. Inside the room there is a loud party.] GEORGE: Yes, they do look very nice, don't they? RINGO: Yes, they do. JOHN: They do, though, don't they? GEORGE: Yes, they do. RINGO: Don't dey, dough? GEORGE: Dough? [PAUL meets them.] JOHN: Don't ask. Dat's dough. PAUL: What's the matter, folks? RINGO: Blue Meanies. FRED: Well, lads, what do you think? JOHN [as they walk]: I think that... FRED: Remember, there'll be rough seas ahead. So, what do you think? PAUL: Well, then, um... FRED: Pounding, overwhelming waves. What do you think of that? JOHN: Well, I think that... RINGO: As a matter of fact, I... ALL BEATLES: I think... FRED: Well? RINGO: I've forgotten. [They all go outside and stop in front of the submarine.] FRED: Right, then, let's get this vessel shipshape. JOHN: I kind of like the way it is, submarine shape. [0:22:18 THE JOURNEY BEGINS] We see a series of landscapes. We hear the end of “A day in the life”. [0:22:45 INSIDE THE SUBMARINE] PAUL: So, this is a submarine. JOHN: Soft, isn't it? RINGO: Not if you're on the bottom. FRED: All right, lads, time to stow the gab and turn to. PAUL: Groovy. How do you start this thing? FRED: It starts with a Blue Meanie attack. JOHN: Supposing there's no Blue Meanies in the neighbourhood? FRED: Then you start looking for a switch. RINGO: Perhaps this is it. [The submarine sails into a strange world.] [0:23:22 THE BEATLES: ALL TOGETHER NOW] One, two, three, four / Can I have a little more? Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten / I love you A, B, C, D / Can I bring my friend to tea? E, F, G, H, I, J / I love you Sail the ship Chop the tree Skip the rope Look at me All together now All together now (all together now)… Black, white, green, red / Can I take my friend to bed? Pink, brown, yellow, orange and blue / I love you (All together now) All together now (all together now), all together now (all together now)... Sail the ship Chop the tree Skip the rope Look at me All together now All together now (all together now)… [0:25:30 THE SEA OF TIME] RINGO: What time is it? JOHN: It's time to time. PAUL: Look, the hands are slowing down. [The submarine sails backwards.] PAUL: Do you ever get the feeling... JOHN: Yeah. PAUL: … that things aren't as rosy as they appear to be under the surface? RINGO: What's happening, John? JOHN: Well, in my humble opinion, we've become involved in Einstein's time-space continuum theory. GEORGE: All right. JOHN: Relatively speaking, that is. GEORGE: Of course. Maybe time's gone on strike. RINGO: What for? GEORGE: Shorter hours. RINGO: I don't blame it. It must be very tiring being time, mustn't it? JOHN & PAUL: Why? RINGO: It's a twenty-four hour day, isn't it? JOHN: You surprise me, Ringo. RINGO: Why? JOHN: Dealing in abstracts. RINGO: Just because I'm a drummer... I don't half feel funny. [RINGO shrinks, becoming younger] PAUL [also getting younger]: You're not half the lad you used to be. GEORGE [getting younger] Look, everything's getting bigger. JOHN [getting younger]: It's not. It's us that are getting smaller... RINGO [mourning]: I want my mam. FRED: And younger. There you are, lads. Old Fred will get you out of all this. RINGO [pointing outside] Look at that! GEORGE: It's all a load of Father Xmas's. JOHN: It's not. It's Father Time. GEORGE: How do you know? JOHN: I read it in a book. FRED: I don't want to alarm you, but the years are going backwards. GEORGE: What's that mean, old Fred? FRED: It means if we slip back through time at this rate, very soon we'll all disappear up our own existence. JOHN: What are we gonna do, then? FRED: We could always try a few buttons. RINGO [sobbing]: I want my mam. FRED: Time's fast running out for us, I'm afraid! JOHN: Can't we do something to the clock? GEORGE: What do you mean, John? JOHN: Move the hands forward, see what happens. FRED: Clever lad. [JOHN forces the clockwise and the submarine goes forwards.] JOHN: Something strange is happening. It's speeding up now. PAUL [looking outside]: Funny... a submarine remarkably like our own. JOHN: Uncannily. RINGO: There's someone in it. Look. JOHN: And they're waving. RINGO: It's a group of fellas. JOHN: Wave back. Maybe we're both part of a vast yellow submarine fleet. RINGO: There's only two of us. JOHN: Then I would suggest that yonder yellow submarine is one of ourselves… FRED: Going backwards... JOHN: … in time! GEORGE: Look at Ringo. [RINGO is getting older, and so the rest.] JOHN: Oh dear, we're all the same. PAUL: Senile delinquents. GEORGE: And I can hear my beard growing. RINGO: We'd better do something. [0:28:20 THE BEATLES: WHEN I’M SIXTY FOUR] When I get older, losing my hair Many years from now Will you still be sending me a valentine Birthday greetings, bottle of wine If I'd been out till quarter to three Would you lock the door? Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I'm sixty-four? You'll be older, too And if you say the word I could stay with you I could be handy mending a fuse When your lights have gone You can knit a sweater by the fireside Sunday mornings, go for a ride [As Paul sings, time is going back and The Beatles turn back to their real age.] [A text can be read: “sixty-four years is 33.661.440 minutes and one minute is a long time… Let us demonstrate”.] Doing the garden, digging the weeds Who could ask for more? Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I'm sixty-four? [A series of well illustrated numbers accompany the voice of Paul form 1 to 64, matching the last one with the end of the song.] Every summer we can rent a cottage in the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear We shall scrimp and save Grandchildren on your knee, Vera, Chuck and Dave Send me a postcard, drop me a line Stating point of view Indicate precisely what you mean to say Yours sincerely, wasting away Give me your answer, fill in a form, mine forever more Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I'm sixty-four? JOHN: Well, correct me if I'm wrong, gentlemen, but would you agree that we have been passing through the Sea of Time? RINGO: That would explain a few things. I'm glad I'm not young any more. Or was it old? JOHN: What kind of a sea is this? FRED: The Sea of Science. JOHN: Oh, yeah. [0:31:15 THE BEATLES: A NORTHERN SONG] If you're listening to this song You may think the chords are going wrong But they're not He just wrote it like that When you're listening late at night You may think the band are not quite right But they are They just play it like that It doesn't really matter What chords I play What words I say Or time of day it is Cause it's only a Northern Song It doesn't really matter What clothes I wear Or how I fare or if my hair is brown When it's only a Northern Song If you think the harmony Is a little dark and out of key You're correct There's nobody there And I told you there's no-one there. [0:33:46 A MONSTER WITH A TRUNK AND TUSKS] [As the song sounded The Beatles evolved through the space. When they come back to the submarine a strange animal enters with them.] GEORGE: He looks wrong. PAUL: He doesn't look at all well. GEORGE: In fact, he's horrible. JOHN [hiding.]: He's so ugly. ALL: Really ugly! [The animal breaks to mourn.] FRED: Somebody push a button. [RINGO does so and the animal is ejected outside the submarine to the Sea of Monsters.] [0:34:18 SEA OF MONSTERS] JOHN: There's a cyclops. PAUL: Can't be. He's got two eyes. JOHN: Then it must be a bi-cyclops. GEORGE: There's another one. JOHN: A whole cyclopedia. [Among the monsters there is one that swallows everything like a vacuum. The BEATLES look out the hatch.] JOHN: There's a school of whales. RINGO: They look a bit old for school. PAUL: University, then. RINGO [driving the submarine]: University of Whales. They look like dropouts to me. FRED: You've got to steer clear! RINGO: Steer clear? FRED: Yes, steer. Clear? RINGO: Yes, dear. [RINGO presses a button. The submarine shows a big smile. The whales smile too.] FRED: Now, whatever you do, don't touch that button. RINGO: Which button? FRED: That one. RINGO: This one? [RINGO presses the button and is ejected from the submarine onto the back of a dinosaur. Before he is eaten, he is rescued by a horse-like creature.] FRED: That was the panic button. PAUL: Poor Ringo. JOHN: Poor lad. GEORGE: Never did no harm to no-one. JOHN: Lads, now Ringo's gone, what are we gonna do? FRED: Learn to sing trios. PAUL: No, let's save the poor devil. JOHN: I see footsteps. FRED: It's a pair of kinky boot-beasts. JOHN: Preparing to attack. [The boots try to step on the submarine, but PAUL presses a button and the submarine steps on the boots.] JOHN: I don't half miss Ringo. PAUL: He's far out there. JOHN: Always was. RINGO: 'H' is for hurry! PAUL: Here comes Ringo! [RINGO rides the horse creature.] JOHN: There goes Ringo. [A boxing monster approaches the submarine.] GEORGE: It's seen us. FRED: Find a boxing button. PAUL: Whoever heard of a boxing button? JOHN: Who cares? Find one. [The boxing monster hits the submarine.] FRED [pushing a button]: Fire one! [The submarine expels lot of strange gadgets, including a banner with the words “The Rolling Stones”.] FRED: Uh-oh, wrong one. JOHN: That. [The submarine flatters the monsters with a cigar. We hear “Air on the G-string”, de Bach until the cigar explodes.] GEORGE: There goes Ringo again. JOHN: Rides well, doesn't he? RINGO: 'E' is for ergent... [The vacuum monster appears again.] FRED: Oh no, not the dreaded vacuum again. PAUL: We'll be sucked into oblivion. GEORGE: Or even further. FRED: Put her in reverse. JOHN: So long, sucker. PAUL: Too much. GEORGE: Too soon. FRED: Reverse! Reverse! JOHN: Ringo time. [Another monster is swallowed by the vacuum monster.] RINGO: 'L' is for love me... [Indians go chasing RINGO.] JOHN: Indians! RINGO: Help! Help! 'P' is for please... JOHN: So, press a button. [0:39:33. The seventh cavalry leaves the submarine and rescues RINGO.] JOHN: How was it, Ringo? RINGO [pulling arrows off himself]: 'Arrowing. [The vacuum monster keeps gobbling other monsters.] FRED: Look who's back. Full speed ahead. RINGO: Oh, no. JOHN: The motor's packing in. FRED: By all the sea nymphs, we're losing power. We're being swallowed. What shall we do? PAUL: Serve tea. JOHN: Lovely. [The vacuum monster swallows everything, including itself.] [The submarine is left in nothing.] FRED: By Neptune's knickerbockers, she's puttered out. JOHN: Maybe we should call a road service. PAUL: Can't. No road. RINGO: And we're not sub-scribers. JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE: Subscribers! Oh! GEORGE: I know something about motors. Let me have a look. FRED: Here. GEORGE: Is that the motor? FRED: Can't you tell one when you see one? GEORGE: Of course I can. Let me peruse it. [Put his finger on the motor and get shocked.] JOHN: What do you think? GEORGE: I think I burned my finger. RINGO [looking outside]: Here, lads. Look at this. JOHN: What do you think it is? GEORGE: Nothing. RINGO: Looks like nothing. PAUL: It's a local inhabitant. RINGO: He's probably one of the nothings. PAUL: At least that's something. Let's show him our motor. JOHN: Steady on. You don't want to show your motor to just anybody. GEORGE: But this is a nobody. JEREMY: Medic, pedic, zed oblique, orphic, morphic, dorphic, Greek. Ad hoc, ad loc and quid pro quo. So little time, so much to know. JOHN: Can you tell us where we're at? JEREMY: A true Socratic query, that. JOHN: And who the Billy Shears are you? JEREMY: Who? Who indeed am I? [He gives a different visiting card to each BEATLE.] JOHN [reading card]: Jeremy? PAUL [reading card]: Hillary? GEORGE [reading card]: Boob? RINGO [reading card]: Ph. D? ALL: Who? JEREMY: Eminent physicist, polyglot classicist, prize-winning botanist, hard biting satirist, talented pianist, good dentist, too. JOHN: Lousy poet. JEREMY: Critic's voice, take your choice. RINGO: Must be one of them angry young men. PAUL: Or a daffy old creep. JEREMY: I, daffy old creep? GEORGE: Do you speak English? JEREMY: Old English, middle, a dialect, pure... PAUL: Well, do you speak English? JEREMY: You know, I'm not sure. RINGO: He's so smart, he doesn't even remember what he knows. PAUL: Why don't we show him our motor? JOHN: Should we really... show him our motor? PAUL: He may not have seen one before. JEREMY: Turbo-prop, super-combustible spring. Metrocyclonic and stereophonic, This motor, I see, has a broken down thing. JOHN: He fixed it? PAUL: He fixed it. GEORGE: Great. Let's go. JEREMY: I must complete my bust, two novels, finish my blueprints, begin my beguine. JOHN: Must you always talk in rhyme? JEREMY: If I spoke prose, you'd all find out, I don't know what I talk about. Ad hoc, ad loc and quid pro quo. So little time, so much to know. PAUL: Hey, fellas. Look. JEREMY: The footnotes for my 19th book. This is my standard procedure for doing it. And while I compose it, I'm also reviewing it. GEORGE: A boob for all seasons. PAUL: How can he lose? JOHN: Were your notices good? JEREMY: It's my policy never to read my reviews. JOHN: There must be a word for what he is. [0:43:00 THE BEATLES: NOWHERE MAN] He's a real Nowhere Man Sitting in his Nowhere Land Making all his Nowhere plans for nobody Doesn't have a point of view, Knows not where he's going to Isn't he a bit like you and me Nowhere Man, please listen, You don't know what you're missing Nowhere Man, the world is at your command He's as blind as he can be, Just sees what he wants to see Nowhere Man, can you see me at all? Nowhere Man, don't worry, Take your time, don't hurry Leave it all till somebody else lends you a hand Doesn't have a point of view, Knows not where he's going to Isn't he a bit like you and me Nowhere Man, please listen, You don't know what you're missing Nowhere Man, the world is at your command He's a real Nowhere Man, Sitting in his nowhere land Making all his Nowhere plans for nobody Making all his Nowhere plans for nobody Making all his Nowhere plans for nobody JOHN: Okay, men, all aboard. Let's go somewhere. RINGO: What about him? JOHN: He's happy enough going around in circles. RINGO: Poor little fella. PAUL: I don't know. Ringo's just a sentimentalist. RINGO: Look at him. Can't he come with us? [Goes over to JEREMY] Mr. Boob, you can come with us, if you like. JEREMY: You mean, you'd take a Nowhere Man? RINGO: Come on, we'll take you somewhere. [Inside the submarine, JOHN gives FRED the motor.] JOHN [to JEREMY] Okay, Booby. Down the hatch. JEREMY [laughing]: Down the hatch. A quite curious phrase. The middle South Midlands Victorian phase. It's usage undoubtedly on the increase. I must work it into my New Statesman piece. JOHN: That's the hatch, friend. JEREMY: Indeed. FRED: Steady now, crew. Prepare to go forward. GEORGE: Forward. PAUL: Forward. JOHN: Forward. RINGO: Forward. ALL: Forward! [But the submarine has problems going forward.] JOHN: It's awfully quiet. GEORGE: What shall we do, Jeremy? JEREMY: Repair, revive, revamp, renew. Ipse dixit, just turn the screw. [The BEATLES and JEREMY go outside.] JEREMY: Log sign, clog sign, big thingamabob. JOHN: What's he saying? PAUL: What's he doing? JEREMY: Chewing gum will do the job. A turn of the screw, and all is and all is new. [The submarine stars, but only FRED is on board.] FRED: I can't stop her. 'H' is for hurry, 'E' is for ergent, 'L' is for love me… JOHN: 'P' is for... goodbye? GEORGE: That was lovely, Jeremy. PAUL: We've lost the sub for good. JOHN: Or for bad. Or for worse. JEREMY: I'm sorry about that. RINGO: But he did fix the motor. PAUL: Where are we? [They stand on a head. There are a lot of heads around.] JOHN: It looks like the foothills. PAUL: The foothills of what? JOHN: The foothills of the headlands. [0:48:06 THE BEATLES: LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS] Picture yourself in a boat on a river With tangerine trees and marmalade skies Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly A girl with kaleidoscope eyes Cellophane flowers of yellow and green Towering over your head Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes and she's gone Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers That grow so incredibly high Newspaper taxis appear on the shore Waiting to take you away Climb in the back with your head in the clouds and you're gone Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds Picture yourself on a train in a station With Plasticine porters with looking glass ties Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile The girl with kaleidoscope eyes Lucy in the sky with diamonds… [0:51:09 ON THE FOOTHILLS OF THE HEADLANDS] JOHN: Carry on, lads, carry on. RINGO: Certainly was carrying on. JOHN: I feel a draft. PAUL: We must be near the Sea of Holes. Don't you think we should ask somebody for directions? JOHN [talking to a mass of heads] Excuse us... PAUL: Can you tell us the way to Pepperland? [The heads point arrows, but the arrows point in circles.] JOHN: Thanks. PAUL: Gosh, look at all this dust? Where did it come from? JEREMY: A chemical error and quite imprecise. This is a condiment... RINGO: Condi... JEREMY: A spice. JOHN: He's right, you know. It's pepper. PAUL: Pepper? GEORGE: Pepper. [They smell and sneeze. The mass of heads sneeze too. They fly into the Sea of Holes.] [0:52:08 THE SEA OF HOLES] RINGO: John? Paul? George? Is anybody home? PAUL: Where are we? JOHN: A holey sea. This place reminds me of Blackburn, Lancashire. PAUL: Oh, boy... GEORGE: How many do you think there are in all? JEREMY: Enough to fill the Albert Hall. PAUL: Didn't old Fred mention something about the Sea of Holes just before the Sea of Green? JOHN: Yeah. GEORGE: Through one of them spots must be the Sea of Green. But which? Which one? JEREMY: Thesis, antithesis, synthesis, causes of causal causation. JOHN: Jeremy, what do you know about holes? JEREMY: There are simply no holes in my education. PAUL: You mean you haven't composed a whole book? GEORGE: Great. What shall we do? JEREMY: Be empirical. Look. RINGO: The booby's making more and more sense. PAUL: It's getting better all the time. JOHN: Great. Come on, let's all look for the Sea of Green. The Sea of Holes... into the Sea of Green. JEREMY: Hydrolate, verdant chrysodine. I think we're near the Sea of Green. [JEREMY is caught by the leg by a BLUE MEANIE. RINGO picks a hole up and plays with it for a while before to put it in his pocket.] RINGO: I've got a hole in me pocket. PAUL: Where's Jeremy? JOHN: He was over there. GEORGE: He's not here now. PAUL: He must have jumped ship, then. RINGO: He wouldn't do that. He's our friend. Booby, Jeremy, Hillary, where are you? [0:54:29 Suddenly, everything is tinted of green as we hear a bit part of the song Yellow submarine: “Sea of green, sea of green, sea of green, green, green, green...”] [The BEATLES arrive in Pepperland, just on the base of the temple.] [0:54:41 PEPPERLAND] JOHN: Pepperland. A bit salty around the edges. Looks all dingy. GEORGE: And drab. PAUL: And quiet. [RINGO finds a pile of apples. He takes one and passes it to PAUL.] JOHN: Safe at last. PAUL: And none the worse for our adventures. JOHN: Reminiscent in many ways of the late Mr. Ulysses. RINGO: There's an eye in the apples. [RINGO brings down the pile of apples and uncovers the MAYOR. The Yellow Submarine comes down from the sky and lands on the house of music. FRED descends sitting down in an anchor.] FRED: There she blows! Lord Mayor, sir... I've made it, I'm back. GEORGE: Who's this? FRED: Our Lord Mayor. He's been bonked. [Ringo removes the apples]. Lord Mayor, sir... unbonk yourself. Even a little snatch of a tune might get him up again. JOHN: All right, let's sing. [0:55:54 THE BEATLES: HAVE YOU GOT TIME TO RECTIFY] Have you got time to rectify, time to rectify... MAYOR: Do I hear music? Do I see... young Fred? FRED: You do, Lord Mayor. MAYOR: Bless my metronome. And did you bring the help? FRED: Yes, yes. Look. MAYOR: Holy pizzicato, young Fred. It's quite uncanny, your faces... PAUL: We're quite cute, really. MAYOR: You could pass for the originals. JOHN: We are the originals. [They go downstairs from the house of music.] MAYOR: No, no... Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. RINGO: They couldn't be much with a name like that. Sergeant Pepper? FRED You could impersonate them and rally the land to rebellion. MAYOR Where are your instruments? JOHN Lost in the Monstrous Sea. PAUL Sea of Monsters. FRED We'll get other instruments, Lord Mayor. MAYOR Not a chance. The Meanies captured everything that maketh music. PAUL They hate music that much, do they? MAYOR They shrink at the very sound. JOHN Okay, you guys. It's shrinking time in Pepperland. All people in Pepperland keeps grey and motionless (except for escape from the blue meanies). BLUE MEANIE Aim, fire! The Beatles hide behind cut-outs. PAUL He reminds me of my old English teacher. JOHN Look, if you must shout, shout quietly. GEORGE What do we do? JOHN Coagulate with the crowd. PAUL Cut-outs at the ready. JOHN Then let's cut out. They come to a high bandstand surrounded by thorns. PAUL What a grand bandstand. JOHN That's where the gear's kept. Come on. Blue meanies with dogs. GEORGE Cavey, cavey. At dusk. PAUL All right, the coast is clear. GEORGE Now's our chance. RINGO But how'll we get over? GEORGE Easy. Follow me. They jump the fence of thorns BLUE MEANIE A-ha! You fools! The watch fires his machine gun. The Beatles reach the bandstand moving between asleep blue meanies. RINGO It's not very light in here, is it? GEORGE Shh! Keep the noise down. JOHN Look what I found. It's their uniforms. PAUL Nice bit of gear, that. RINGO They'll look great on, eh? PAUL Dey will, won't dey? RINGO Won't dey, dough. JOHN How do I look? PAUL Groovy, groovy. How about me? RINGO, looking thru the window Bad scene, lads. We're surrounded. GEORGE Oh, heck. RINGO A million billion Meanies. PAUL They're coming this way. ALL Hide! Trying to hide they make a lot of noise. PAUL Do you think they heard us? JOHN I hope not. GEORGE What did you say? SOMEONE Shhhh! GEORGE Good plan. 1:03:22 DAWN, by Grieg. PAUL Look. They're all asleep. RINGO They look cute when they're asleep. Almost human. GEORGE Come on. Let's get out of here. PAUL On tiptoe. They take their instruments and go down the hill. RINGO Tiptoe through the Meanies... THE OTHER Shh! Ringo steps on the bagpipe. Some meanies wake. PAUL Let's exude. The Beatles are persecuted. Ringo falls down and jumps on the John arms. GEORGE Relax, lads. Not a Meanie in sight. JOHN Not even a teeny Meanie. PAUL Not even a teeny-weeny Meanie. RINGO Great. PAUL Oh, look. Breakfast. RINGO I'm dying for a bit of brekky. George takes an apple. Four tall meanies do the same. JOHN Look out. A blue meanie heads the four tall meanies. CHIEF Sound off, one, two, three, four... TALL MEANIES One, two, three, four... The Beatles, one above the other, march behind the row of tall meanies. JOHN Five. CHIEF Five? [John eliminates the last one with an apple stroke.] Sound off, one, two, three, four. TALL MEANIES One, two, three... JOHN Four. John eliminates another one. TALL MEANIES One, two... JOHN Three. CHIEF Three? JOHN Two. CHIEF Two? JOHN One. CHIEF One? [The chief stares at the column made of the four Beatles] Are you Bluish? You don't look Bluish. JOHN Run for it. The Beatles escape again. PAUL Right, men. We've made it. GEORGE Instruments at the ready. JOHN Okay, on the beat. A-one, a-two, a-three, a-four, a-five, a-six… RINGO Hey, can't you make it three? JOHN All right. On the beat of three... A-one, a-two, a-three... 1:06:34 THE BEATLES: SGT. PEPPER’S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play They've been going in and out of style, But they're guaranteed to raise a smile So may I introduce to you, The act you've known for all these years Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band We're Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band We hope you will enjoy the show Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band Sit back and let the evening go Sgt. Pepper's Lonely, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band It's wonderful to be here, it's certainly a thrill You're such a lovely audience, we'd like to take you home with us We'd love to take you home I don't really wanna stop the show, But I thought you might like to know That the singer's gonna sing a song, And he wants you all to sing along So let me introduce to you, The one and only Billy Shears Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band THE BEATLES: WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS Billy Shears! What would you think if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song And I'll try not to sing out of key The inhabitants of Pepperland recover color and smile. Lennon has been presented as Billy Shears, but Ringo’s voice is heard. 01:08:49 THE MEANIES GATHER AROUND THEIR CHIEF CHIEF BLUE MEANIE Ah! The hills are alive... ASSISTANT With the sound of music. The Chief Blue Meanie hits his assistant. Then he gets a tantrum. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE Who is responsible for this? ASSISTANT Rimsky Korsakov? The assistant is shot and kicking, but still resurfaces. ASSISTANT Guy Lombardo? CHIEF BLUE MEANIE, laughs My dear friend... let us not forget that heaven is blue. [Suddenly choleric] Tomorrow, the world! Bring in my Bluebird. PEPPERLAND INHABITANTS Who? Who? Who? PAUL, GEORGE, RINGO Who? Who? Who? The mouth of John expels the question WHO? A blue big glove crosses the air. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE Ah! Here you are, my little Glovey-dovey. Go get thee hence and destroy yon upstarts. [New rage] Smash them! Squash them! Crash them! Oblue-terate them! MEDICAL DOCTOR, as the Chief collapses Here, your Blueness, have some nasty medicine. CHIEF, exuberant The Glove, the Glove, the Glove! PAUL, GEORGE, RINGO Glove? Glove? Glove? From the mouth of John emerge the word GLOVE. GEORGE He's a clever lad, isn't he? RINGO Open your mouth, it won't hurt. [Try to see into the mouth of John] John, you haven't half got a big mouth, haven't you? GEORGE It's easy. All you need is love. JOHN Yes. And expeles again the word GLOVE, but this time the initial G vanishes. 1:12:02 THE BEATLES : ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE Love, love, love (x3) There's nothing you can do that can't be done Nothing you can sing that can't be sung Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game It's easy All you need is love All you need is love All you need is love, love, Love is all you need Nothing you can know that isn't known, Nothing you can see that isn't shown There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be It's easy All you need is love, (All together now) All you need is love, (Everybody) All you need is love, love, Love is all you need All you need is love All you need is love All you need is love, love The words emerged from the mouth of John neutralize the glove attacks. JOHN Go, Glove, lovely Glove. RINGO You took the words right out of my mouth, John. GEORGE Hey, wait, and watch. [Floating] It's all in the mind, you know. Love is all you need Love is all you need Everything revives in Pepperland. The word NO becomes NOW and then KNOW. She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah The meanies flee and The Beatles are acclaimed by the crowd. A little bit further they find a blue glass ball. GEORGE Hey, that's a funny place to leave a goldfish bowl. JOHN In Pepperland all things are possible. PAUL It's not a goldfish bowl. RINGO Just a big glass bowl, then. PAUL Yes, blue glass. RINGO It must be from Kentucky. Paul knocks the bowl. Some music starts to sound. JOHN There's something inside. RINGO Four fellas. GEORGE What are they doing there? PAUL They're not having a ball, that's for sure. JOHN It can't be. PAUL It's us. JOHN But we're here. PAUL It's Sgt. Pepper's... RINGO Lonely... GEORGE Hearts Club... GEORGE Band. JOHN The resemblance is truly striking. If I could come in here I think the theory put forward by Einstein… PAUL, spoofs an old song called ‘Any old iron’ Any old Ein, any old Ein, any, any, any old Einstein. JOHN … could well be applied here. The people in the ball are obviously extensions of our own personalities, suspended, as it were, in time, frozen in space, according to the now famous Theory of Relativity, which, briefly explained, is simply a matter of taking two eggs... The other three try to break the ball. PAUL John! JOHN … beating lightly and adding a little salt and pepper... GEORGE John! JOHN George? GEORGE How do we get them out? JOHN Break the glass. GEORGE We can't. It's Beatle-proof. JOHN Nothing is Beatle-proof. PAUL, to Ringo Have you got your drumsticks with you? A drum break might shatter it. RINGO No, I haven't. GEORGE Have a look in your pocket. 1:15:50 “Baby you’re a rich man” is heard. RINGO I've got a hole in my pocket. I wonder if... Ringo sticks the hole on the ball. The ball gets empty. RINGO Yeah, it still works. GEORGE We take back all we said. JOHN You're a genius. PAUL A sheer genius. RINGO I know, I know, I know. [Some colors get out of the ball] Like coloured telly. GEORGE Like crystal. PAUL They're decanting. The members of the Band face their peers. RINGO 2 Hello, brother. RINGO Yeah, without a doubt. GEORGE We're the spitting image of each other. GEORGE 2 Golly, yeah. JOHN I'm led to believe that you're an extension of my personality. JOHN 2 Yes, I'm your alter-ego man. JOHN And I'm the ego man, goo goo, g'joob. [They walk together] I'm glad you asked me that. Because as a matter of fact there's a war on. Then, brothers in war, to the skirmish must we hence. JOHN 2 Shall we hence? PAUL Let's not waste time sitting on the hence. Beatles to battle. Charge! The Blue Meanies attack again. The Beatles run for a hide. JOHN We're surrounded. RINGO, pointing the four-headed dog Nice dog, though. The Beatles hide inside a hurdy-gurdy. John turns the crank and sings: 1:17:26 THE BEATLES : HEY BULLDOG Sheepdog... standing in the rain Bullfrog... doing it again Some kind of happiness is measured out in miles What makes you think you're something special when you smile? Childlike... no one understands Jack knife... in your sweaty hands Some kind of innocence is measured out in years You don't know what it's like to listen to your fears You can talk to me You can talk to me You can talk to me If you're lonely you can talk to me Big man... walking in the park Wigwam... frightened of the dark Some kind of solitude is measured out in you You think you know me but you haven't got a clue You can talk to me, You can talk to me You can talk to me... if you're lonely you can talk to me Hey, bulldog (x4) John to the dog: What do you say? Sing it. Do you know any more? Play it! Todos Hey, bulldog. The Beatles escape from the dog and the guards. Ringo finds Jeremy hanging from the branch of a tree. RINGO Jeremy, can it be you? JEREMY Can it be me? I think you'd better inquire of the guards, for when I was captured, they took all my cards. RINGO Shh, that's enough, Jeremy. Come on, the whole world's being attacked. JEREMY What do you want me to do? Do you recommend fisticuffs versus the guard? [With a fighting manual in his hand Jeremy challenges the guard ] Oh, guard! Blue Meanio! Left to the nostril, right uppercut, right to the eyebrow, left to the gut. Jeremy stumbles into a tree. An apple falls down and knocks out the meanie. Ringo congratulates Jeremy. RINGO Jeremy! JEREMY Come on, Ringo! The Chief treats to stem the rout. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE Get back! Get back! Once more unto the breach, dear Meanies! You're advancing the wrong way! Retreat backwards! Get back there now! The Chief is swept along. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE My kingdom for a horse! [Jeremy comes close to him] I think I'll tear him up into little pieces. JEREMY He does, does he? CHIEF I think I'll make a blueburger out of him. JEREMY Ha-ha, I don't care what you think. CHIEF You don't, eh? We'll soon see about that. JEREMY He does in truth seem quite annoyed, [Opens the manual] some reference material before I'm destroyed. Where ground is soft most often grows, Arise, arise, arouse, a rose. [Suddenly, a rose arise in the Chief nose] A rosy nose? CHIEF Speak your last piece! JEREMY Peace, peace, supplant the doom and the gloom. Turn off what is sour, turn into a flower and bloom, bloom. Ha-ha, bloom, ha-ha, bloom, bloom, bloom... A lot of pink roses cover the whole body of the Chief. He flees crazy. RINGO First time I saw that Nowhere Man, that nobody, I knew he was somebody. JOHN You're right. Hello there, blue people. Won't you join us? Buck up, and otherwise go mingle. What do you say? CHIEF Max? MAX Your Blue... I mean your Newness! CHIEF, takes some flowers It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go? MAX Argentina? JOHN Are you with us? Will you join? CHIEF Shall we? MAX No!... [Chief threatens to hit him] Yes, your Newness! CHIEF, smiles Yes, Max... JEREMY, close to them Yes. Oh, yes is a word with a glorious ring, A true, universal, euphonious thing. In genders embracing and chasing of blues, the very best word for the whole world to use. Ha-ha! CHIEF Yes, let us mix, Max. I've never admitted it before, but my cousin is the Bluebird of Happiness. 1:24:41 THE BEATLES : IT’S ALL TOO MUCH It's all too much When I look into your eyes, Your love is there for me And the more I go inside, the more there is to see It's all too much for me to take The love that's shining all around here All the world is birthday cake, So take a piece but not too much Everybody dance. Jeremy and the Chief reconcile. The Chief cries of emotion. Nice to have the time to take this opportunity Time for me to look at you, and you to look at me It's all too much for me to see The love that's shining all around you Everywhere, it's what you make For us to take, it's all too much It's too much 1:26:55 PAUL, RINGO, GEORGE AND JOHN IN PERSON PAUL Catchy tune, that. RINGO I can't seem to get it out of my head. GEORGE Then shake it. RINGO That's what we've been doing all night. PAUL Yeah, it was a great party. GEORGE And we brought back lots of lovely souvenirs. Here is the motor. PAUL I've got a little love. RINGO And I've got a hole in my pocket. PAUL A hole? RINGO Half a hole, anyway. I gave the rest to Jeremy. GEORGE What can he do with half a hole? PAUL Fix it to keep his mind from wandering. RINGO Look at John, will you? John has been looping through a telescope. PAUL What's the matter, John? Blue Meanies? JOHN Newer and bluer Meanies have been sighted within the vicinity of this theatre. There's only one way to go out. GEORGE How's that? JOHN Singing! RINGO One... PAUL Two... GEORGE Three... JOHN ¡Fire! 1:27:33 THE BEATLES : ALL TOGETHER NOW One, two, three, four / Can I have a little more? Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten / I love you A, B, C, D / Can I bring my friend to tea? E, F, G, H, I, J / I love you Sail the ship Chop the tree Skip the rope Look at me All together now All together now (all together now) 1:28:42 CREDITS