I'm Not Getting Excited

I'm not getting excited 'Cause the thrill isn't mine to invite in Just the chill when I learn that it's finally my turn I have finally earned my place in the urn And I take a fall But I keep my hands soft I keep my body limp and I move with the wind I'll go where it bends and let go of the expectation I'm not getting excited 'Cause the light on my phone's got me hiding When it flashes at night, it's the bringer of signs I can see through my eyelids, I know that it's time And I hold it all But I keep my hands soft All the answering, asking, my thoughts are a rat king There's no point untangling the thought from the action I'm awake What is it like, the other side Where all my vital signs aren't fading away? Violent dreams keep me awake I wear the same face in the morning A warning I'm not getting excited 'Cause my fight and my flight are divided And so I don't enthuse, keep my grip on joy loose And I wait for the news with my feet in my shoes And I lose it all With one foot out the door When I smile, I lie with my eye to the side So I greet with goodbye, I greet with goodbye Yeah, goodbye But what is it like, the other side Where all my vital signs aren't fading away? Violent dreams keep me awake I wear the same face in the morning A warning A warning