[Round 1: The New Day's Big E & (Wale)]
Both of y'all eat off the table we set
Before The New Day existed, dark matches and pre-shows is all you'd get
(Whoa. Now he just– whoa. Okay, a'ight, okay, okay)
So say thanks to the cats who let you mice eat more than crumbs
We should call you Chuck E. Cheeks – Chuck E. Cheeks? – 'cause you're bums!
And speaking of butts, say hi to your pops
(Rikishi?)
'Cause even Rikishi knows: New Day rocks!
[Interlude: Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso & (Wale)]
(Remember, keep it clean, though, 'cause I see how you lookin' over there)
Yeah, okay
(What you got, Uce?)
Oh, we gon' get 'em!
I say this
[Round 1: Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, both, & (Wale)]
The Usos, The New Day, in a rap-off, I was like, "It can't be"
What the hell they gon' talk about, Uce?
I don't know, unicorns and stampedes
What we gon' talk about, Uce?
Big E's double Ds, how you look like Whoopi
And how you say you 5'5, but you really 5'3
We'll talk about that later
We'll talk about that later
We'll talk about it later
We'll talk about that later
Ayy, hold it down
Ayy, we'll talk about that later
But right now, welcome to the Uso Penitentiary
(I ain't gon' lie–)
Big E, you so predictable, I knew you was gon' talk about Rikishi
Hey, everybody know who our pops is, but do they know about yours, E?
Nope! Our pops' booty made millions; what about yours, E?
I mean, damn, bro, is that supposed to be a chest or a breast, bro?
Is it supposed to be real or silicone?
I mean, we done asked everybody all around the world and they still don't know!
Yeah
Ayy, Big E, let's just keep it PG; you know what's good
Just don't get all rated-R like your boy Xavier Woods
(What's happening? Something's happening. Yo, yo, yo. Don, Don, Don, Demarco! Stop 'eet. Stop 'eet. Oh, stop 'eet. Nah, it's not over, though. It ain't over. You gotta let–)
I said, I said, Big E, let's just keep it PG; you know what's good
Let's just not get all rated-R like your boy Xavier Woods
Bar!
(You can't– I don't know about this–)
If you don't already know, it ain't paranoia; it's the Usos, round one
You got it, let's go
[Interlude: The New Day's Kofi Kingston & (Wale)]
(Okay. I'm sweating. I don't know why I'm sweating. I'm sweating a little bit right now.)
I got it. Yo, hold it down
[Round 2: The New Day's Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods, & (Wale)]
Jimmy Uso–we call him Jim
Lookin' like he's never been or ever worked out at a gym
That goes for you, too; you're his twin
Look, when you have abs that pop-pop, you can rock a crop top
Y'all need to make like red hexagons and stop-stop
Hey, do you think they even know what hexagons are?
Prolly not
Prolly not-not!
They both dropped out of college! So, I mean, c'mon. Ya know? A couple of dropouts, ya know what I'm saying? Hold up, hold it down, hold it down
Y'all ain't got no abs, no cuts, ya ain't buff and–
Ah! Look at those bellies: muffin tops!
Now I see 'em gettin' irked; look, I ain't tryna be a jerk
Just tell me why you came to work and started wrestling in shirts!
Why you did that?
(It's getting personal)
Hold on, hold it down
I know why, hold on
'Cause y'all got that first-trimester pooch
What's that mean for you two?
Means y'all are rockin' weenie-do
Y'all... y'all don't know 'bout weenie-do?
They don't know 'bout weenie-do?
Tell 'em 'bout weenie-do
That's when your gut hangs out more than...ya weenie do!
That's you!
(Okay, okay)
That's you! That's you!
[Round 2: Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, audience, & (Wale)]
It's on me
Ready?
(Happy Fourth, guys)
Weenie-do! Weenie-do! Weenie-do!
I said ayy, mon, ain't you Kofi King-ston? Didn't you used to be Jamaican?
Nah, you was ja-fakin', but he stayed in the lane
Hold it down!
Hold it down!
Nah, hold it down! Hey, he gon' get this work! He gon' get this work! Y'all hold it down. We don't need it
Ain't you Kofi King-ston? Hey, Uce, wasn't you Jamaican?
Nope, you was ja-fakin', but he stayed in the lane
Ran around the whole world givin' Jamaicans a bad name
I mean, "muffin top," "crop top"; that's the best you got, boy?
Yo fo'head look like the back of a hand
If Ron Simmons was here right now, he'd prolly step to you and be like
Damn!
Damn!
(Got a little too close. Keep it clean)
Ayy, the superkick, the sharpshooter
It's the best there is, best there was, best there ever will be
But when it hit, it's "finish him"
I hitchu with this fatality
Ayy, this is fairy tale verse' reality
Salvation over a massacre
The only brothers that ever win back-to-back, Grammy, Slammy Award-winnin' on the calendar
Ayy, you touch us, I'm swingin' like a ax; Paul Bunyon flow
I got my blue ox behind me, we yell "timber!"
The only way you gon' beat us tonight?
You had to go get a fourth New Day member
(I'm impartial. I'm impartial. Don't put me in it)
Hey, you cool, though. Hey, you alright, Uce
But you keep runnin' with this fools, it's gon' be a hostile situation
I'm tellin' you, Wale, you keep runnin' with these fools, you gon' end up like hospital patients
Ayy, the rap battle is ours, we got the bars; you already know, though
It's not paranoia, Uce
It's the Us'--Usos!--Let's go!
(Ayy, y'all twins, y'all share the same brain, so that's not really--)
[Round 3: The New Day's Xavier Woods, New Day posse, audience, & (Wale)]
I got this. I got this. I got this
(Okay, now it ain't over. We got one more)
Mega Ran, Mega Ran. Hold my trombone. Gracias
The New Day always says:
Dress for the job that you want, not the job that you have
That's why we came fresh and clean, lookin' like a million bucks
And y'all two came dressed as some recently-divorced dads
Wow! They took everything from you! They took everything from you!
Now, Jim, Jim, Jim
You and your brother, you're tag champs; you turned the Universe into believers
But please always remember: you were absolutely nothin' 'til your wife put you on Total Divas!
That's my dawg. That's my dawg
(You feel the glow. You feel the glow. You feel it)
That was good. Get 'em
Listen, listen. Hold it down, hold it down
Y'all both used to wear face paint, bright colors; ya know, like showmen
And then all of a sudden--oh, man
You say The New Day comin' up on the horizon, lookin' like a bad omen
And your boys The New Day, we some warriors with no masters; call us rōnins
Slow it down!
I said, we don't use our cell phones when we're international, 'cause that's roaming
Slow it down!
I said, y'all should get back to doing what you do best, and that's carrying bags for who?
Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who?
That's carrying bags for Roman!
