Everyone Clapped

Man, you are not going to believe what happened the other day (What's that?) So my girlfriend was acting really strange, right? (You had a girlfriend?) And then she invited me to a coffee shop But she don't drink coffee usually So it hit me like a karate chop when she said she has news for me (We need to talk) She said she was seeing another man (what?) Who sang in a Kid Rock cover band? Then out the window, I saw children (help!) Trapped in a burnin' building So, I ran into the blaze And I pulled them from the flames (thank you!) Then I stopped a robbery and rescued a cat stuck in a drain So, my ex-girlfriend she saw the whole frickin' thing Then told me she wants me back (my hero!) And I'm like, "Nah, go and be with fake Kid Rock!" And everyone clapped You should've seen it Everyone clapped Gotta believe it And everyone clapped I swear it's true And everyone clapped You believe me, don't you? Ain't no bullshit I ain't lying (Clap, clap, clap) Ain't no bullshit Okay, let me tell you what happened to me Well, I was at a coffee shop And my girlfriend walked in with Kid Rock Not a cover band, the actual guy I said, "Bawitdaba!" Then I punched him in the eye The police came to arrest me, of course But instead they asked me to join the force (yeah!) Within a month, I had made a deal To be the boss of the Navy SEALs They stationed me in Iraq Where I saved the world from a nuclear attack Yeah, I was a hero overnight So, they made a movie about my life (action!) The movie won a bunch of Oscars and shit Then they put my face on a monument And then I rescued a bunch of children and a cat before you did And everyone clapped You should've seen it Everyone clapped Gotta believe it And everyone clapped I swear it's true And everyone clapped You believe me, don't you? Ain't no bullshit I ain't lying (I'm applauding) Ain't no bullshit I couldn't help but overhear The lies you told are so severe Bunch of losers, I'm pretty sure You're making things up because you're insecure (what?) You're bullshitters I'm not surprised, that both your girlfriends left you guys In fact, I bet the real twist is you never had girlfriends They didn't exist Idiots And everyone clapped I can't believe it That everyone laughed We were defeated And everyone clapped I swear it's true And everyone clapped Nah, you should've seen me, it was crazy I punched Kid Rock in the face, everything I say is- Everyone clapped