This Is Why I’m Single

All day, every day People always ask me why I'm single Alright, alright, here's the deal (Woo!) I don't got good luck with the women, man I pull up in my grandma's minivan (hey) No hubcaps, one mirror Duct tape through-out the interior Wheels falling off like a grocery cart Headlights broke, so it's always dark Oh, I thought you said it was a push-to-start Yeah, you gotta get out and push to start! You might have to pay when I wine and dine 'Cause my credit card's probably gonna get declined (my bad) I use my sock as a napkin When I tell a joke, I'm the only one laughing I'm just an awkward dude I stand too close when I talk to you And when the waiter says, "Sir, enjoy your food" I say,"Thanks a lot, you too!" All day, every day People always ask me why I'm single This is why I'm single I love it, but I hate it It's the worsttest and the greatest when you're single This is why I'm single I wake up and it's time for lunch A little Kool-Aid and some Cap'n Crunch I got no new matches I don't know why Honestly, I'm a really likeable guy I got low ambition Afraid of commitment I never listen My mind is driftin' My cat went missin' Turns out he was in my kitchen Underneath the pile of dishes (oh, there you are) My bedroom doesn't have much décor There's a sheet hangin' up where there should be a door I got a warn-out mattress on a hardwood floor Every morning I wake up, and my back is sore (damn) My Tinder profile is not a flex My main picture is of me and my ex But hey, being single is not that bad! I do what I want, and it saves me cash All day, every day People always ask me why I'm single This is why I'm single I love it, but I hate it It's the worstest and the greatest When you're single This is why I'm single Ha-ha If you're here by yourself tonight Huh Hold your own hand! Ha-ha If you love that feeling of Independence mixed with that feeling of soul-crushing loneliness Make some noise! I'm single 'cause I squawk like a chicken I'm single 'cause I can't make decisions (I dunno) I'm single 'cause I'm awkward as hell 'Cause I eat Taco Bell like I'm paid by the minute I want to talk about my ex on the first date (Again) I order lots of food but I never pay Then I get the guy to spill out all his fantasies But I never tell him anything about me Nuh-huh! I can't remember people's names So I say "Hey, buddy" I laugh at random times, when nothing's even funny I Venmo request people using exact change I sing in public like the world is my stage All day, every day People always ask me why I'm single (People always ask me why!) This is why I'm single I love it, but I hate it It's the worstest and the greatest when you're single This is why I'm single