So You Wanna Be A Pop Star, Gabriel Byrde from YOWL?

Hello. I’m Gabriel, and I sing in YOWL.

Job security, a clear career ladder, healthcare. I’ve got some very important opinions on some very important issues that I’m desperate for everyone to hear too.

If you want to ask them yourself they’re contractually obliged to praise me; though well-contained, my ego remains too fragile to handle slander. For the good of the band, I surround myself only with sincere compliments and reassuring back slaps.

I usually pick a good meal deal. I can be quite a snotty person. I mean phlegm-wise. Not conceited.

I still can’t do the finger slap thing.

I managed to convince a crew of real musicians to play their instruments for me; instruments they spent years learning while I Googled how to make apple bongs and get rich quick schemes that never worked out. Bunch of suckers.

Sometimes I try to set myself monthly goals, and I still let myself down. In five years maybe I’ll finally get down to the bottom of my list. I had to bump this interview up pretty high thanks to your weird insistence on deadlines.

If we agree to gauge my contribution to society as somewhere between engineer and doctor we’re looking around a sweet 50k. Anything heavily taxable would be alright.

Honestly, the lack of a band-owned van seems to be our biggest hindrance at the moment, so if a company car’s on the cards, we’ll just take some wheels, please.